Are you listening?

An open letter to cis feminists

Stop fucking up.*

I have complained numerous times that the feminist blogosphere, such as it is, has one main conversation about trans people, one that is returned to again and again and again - the political implications of our transitioning. Click here if you want yet another example of pointless bloody "analysis."

I don't CARE about whatever horrible thing some feminist has said anymore. I care that these discussions centre on cis concerns, even (maybe especially) allies respond mostly to the slurs, but rarely address the real issues.

Now, if you want to have those conversations, here's an idea. Subject yourself to the same kind of analysis. Honestly interrogate if and how you might have more or less privilege than trans people. And no, for the millionth time, trans women are not the fucking Patriarchy.

Or how bout this for an idea. Spend some actual time and energy on trans issues. Here is one thing you are barely talking about - the continual violence against transgendered people for being transgendered.

Blog about Angie Zapata. Blog about Ebony Whitaker. Blog about Sanesha Stewart (to name just three trans women murdered this year).

Try subjecting all that torturous analysis to something actually useful - how violence against trans people occurs. Try thinking about the fact that it is overwhelming trans women of colour being murdered. Try thinking about the intersections between race, transness, misogyny and sex work.

Try writing about the way that institutions collude with this violence - that medical professionals may willingly leave you to die, that police may not prosecute, that lawyers use "trans panic" as a defence to justify the death, and then to add insult to injury, the media effectively blames the dead person for their own deaths AND misgenders them.

And for fuck's sake, don't blame the fucking victims.

I DARE YOU.

* if this doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't apply to you.

So far, a fair number of folks have linked or posted on this too.

I have to admit, I do sometimes focus on the concerns of cis*feminists. It is easier to spork the latest Trans Activist Privilege Checklist instead of writing on how insurance and hospitals refuse to treat us or, if they deign to look at us, give us subpar care. It does feel like it is easier (and cheaper) to change the minds of cis* feminists than cis* politicians.
I also don't like covering the latest deaths/beatings because a) its depressing (gods is it depressing) b) there are never any respectful, decent articles and c) they are never ending. You post on one death/beating and a few days later theres another.
I just can't deal with it; and I feel so wrong for not being able to since I'm not the one whose existence was destroyed.

(Disclaimer: if it don't apply to you, then it don't fucking apply)
I am getting so tired of trans* 101. I am so over "justify your existence to meee!!!"
I want to be able to have a post on TDoR without fucking cis*people stating or telling us they have issues with "transgender politics". I want to be able to x-post or read a trans*-related post on a "general" feminist or progressive forum or blog or LJ comm without rampant cissexism in the comments.
I would really like to go one month without any beatings or rapes or murders of trans*folk. Just one month where we are all considered human and worthy of respect.
Why the fuck do trans* folks have to justify our existence, have to prove that we and our gender identity deserve respect?
Why, when we point out that X cis*feminist has written and worked against us, are we told that we should "put that aside" because she has done "so much for [cis*]women"? Why do we have to bring it up, why can't we focus on the real issues.
Why do I have to have a disclaimer so that I don't hurt the feelings of some poor cis*person? Hellsbells, even if we do put up a disclaimer poor, put-upon, cis*folks will still get all butthurt.

Well, why the fuck can't you just listen? Just shut up and listen. That's what members of the privileged group are supposed to do. I shut up when sex workers talk, when people with disabilities talk, when people of color talk.
When trans* people talk, cis* folk are supposed to listen!
And no, I don't fucking care if you disagree with "trans politics" and therefore aren't cis*--only normal or FAB or whatever (though I do think you can go fuck a lead post).

There are no "trans agendas," no "transgender politics," no "trans lobby."
There is no reason for you to "deconstruct" transgender--the kyriarchy already does it with every murder.
The next time you laugh at a tranny joke, "is it a him or a her? no, it's a shim!" why don't you think about your reaction to a similarly dehumanizing joke about your oppressed group?
The next time you promote someone, a feminist even, who is unabashedly cissexist without mentioning it, why don't you think about how you'd feel if someone promoted a racist or a misogynist or a homophobe without acknowledging their bigotry?
Or is it differreent because they've empowerfulized you sooo much?!

I'm going to try to focus more on trans* issues, rather than cis* feminists' issues with trans*folk. I've actually made it so that I cannot read mAndrea's blog anymore. No really, I have a firefox add-on, leechblock, that lets you block certain sites. I've blocked mAndea's 24/7/365 and made it impossible to change the options. Her site is just inane and soul-crushing, her posts don't even make sense (illogical I might call them). It's like reading any other complete bigot; much of it is just plain wrong, but there are part that are just so horrible I lose all hope for humanity (trans*women want to be raped--she and KA are feminists?).
I hope more folks focus on the real issues instead of apologizing for cissexism or ignoring trans* issues entirely.

I actually have a set of posts planned, I have to finish reading Transgender History, on either/both trans* history and trans* (s)heroes and allies (possibly Sylvia Rivera, Reed Erikson, Magnus Hirschfeld, etc). I also have a post on monsters and monstrous beings/creatures (which is sorta related to being trans*--we are perceived/made to be inhuman monsters), but I either have to get the courage to post the current and very personal version or edit it.
I haven't posted much for a mixture of personal issues, busyness, and depression.
Currently, it looks like I'll be able to go to Camp Trans and I want to do a post about my experience there and another on trans* community(s).
*((((({insert} [more] {{{parenthesis}}} [here]))))))*

I want to write on growing up trans*. On navigating this cissexist world. I want to have the energy to look at my own internalized cissexism. I want to go over and add/edit my definitions post. I want to look at the REAL ID act and discuss how thats going to fuck us over; maybe help find loopholes or just tell other trans*folk what they are. I want to write a post about the intersections of my trans* and my queer identities, without worrying that someone is going to think that they are somehow the same or stemming from the other.
I can't do this when I focus on the hate of those who should be allies. I can't get up the energy when I'm so bogged down in feminist/progressive/liberal cissexism.
I want to do some posts/linkfarms on racism, ableism, sex worker's rights advocacy, etc. Maybe even try my hand at writing something from an ally's perspective or trying to look at the intersections a bit.
I doubt I'll ignore the topic completely, but I'm going to try to focus my trans* posts on actual trans* issues instead of someone else's castle in the clouds.

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A few things...

#One, I edited the definitions post a bit.

#Two, re trans* vs. HBS: If you don't identify as trans* (transgender, transsexual, transman, etc.) than don't apply it to yourself. If you identify as a woman with HBS and not as a trans* woman than don't apply anything I say about trans*women or trans*folk to yourself. If whatever I'm saying is similar to what you've experienced or is true for you, but you don't identify as a trans*person then too bad--you don't get it both ways. If you don't want to identify, even just politically, with trans*folk then don't fucking apply yourself to my words. If you don't identify as trans*, but realize it is also a political group and an umbrella term and you believe you fall under one or both of those then you can, if you choose, apply what I say about trans*folk to yourself.
Basically, if you don't believe trans* applies to you than it doesn't and I don't want to deal with elitist HBS women (or, for that matter) and other elitists. (Fyi, I dislike both elitist HBS folks and elitist genderqueer/nonbinary folks--I've just met more of the former than the latter)
#Two-point-five, I agree with Raven Kaldera on whether or not transsexuality should be seen as or labeled as an intersex condition; ie: it shouldn't be. We should be allies an work together, but we are most definitely different groups (with some over-lap)--just like queer and trans*folk.

#Three, I haven't posted much lately because I have a new job (as well as a high libido and a willing boyfriend ^.~ no, I won't share details though). I also have various other offline issues like depression and spiritual and friend drama going on and I can't just ignore it (tried that, doesn't ever work).

#Four, because I want to voice my support though I don't have the time/energy for a blogwar, Blackamazon is totally more awesome and better-informed on PP history than The Apostate.

#Five, please support the Southall Black Sisters.

#Six, I wish I could've posted something for Sex Workers' Rights Day, but I don't think I even got online that day.

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Utopia

Or Utopia?

I see a lot of talk, from everyone from feminists to Christians to queer folk, about revolutions and utopias.
But do we really want a utopia?
And do you know how your utopia will be built or how it will be run?

I say no.

There is no universal utopia; everyone's version will be different. Even things that seem simple are actually quite complicated. You say your utopia will have no crime? Well, define crime. Okay, so crime means stealing and assault. Okay, define stealing and define assault. Stealing means taking what doesn't belong to you? Well, those seeds belong to the plant, not you; so you can't eat. Assault is purposefully causing someone's pain? So, BDSM, disciplining your child, and re-setting bones are all out.
There is no one truth; everyone's truth is different. So, which truth gets to make it into the utopia and what happens to those whose truths don't agree with yours?

How many utopias have been made?
How many attempts have there been in human history?

I don't know, but there have been quite a few attempted utopias in fiction.
*Ursula K. Le Guin's The Dispossessed has a moon that was a communist/socialist attempt at utopia; artists, the depressed, and anyone who forms close ties with others are hurt by that society. Artists are often shunned for their work, those who become apathetic or anti-social for any reason, including depression, are shunned when they do not 'pull their weight', and you aren't supposed to try to own anyone's affections—not even a mate or a child.
*I don't remember the book's title or author it's been so long, but I once read a book where the utopia worked. Mind you, they had to genetically engineer humans to have less passionate emotions and less ambition for it to work—and if there were any throw-backs they had to be driven out lest their passions destroy the society.
*There was a movie on late one night where a virus had killed all the men, except for a few who were cryogenicaly frozen, and the all-female world was a utopia. Every so often a man would wake up and he would cause trouble and would be killed. But even when it was just the women the utopia was failing—there was still backstabbing and the weather was just as unpredictable as ever (which caused food shortages that caused more backstabbing).
*There is even a paradise mentioned in Saiyuki; but all that means is that humans and yokai (demons/monsters without many western negative connotations) were able to live together without going to war; it wasn't a true utopia, there was crime and pain and death.
*Of course you have the classics, such as Brave New World, 1984, or Fahrenheit 451.

Now, many will say that fantasy stories don't prove that a utopia is nothing more than a dream, but I think fantasy and sci fi are a way of exploring possibilities.
Authors are able to write out all sorts of possible scenarios, if you're a theorist trying to plan out your utopia you should read the scenarios and plan accordingly. After all, fiction authors have already done some of your brainstorming work for you.

Humans are animals; humans have passions and instincts and a high drive for survival.
If for whatever reason, weather or disease or even a God's displeasure, food production goes down, what will your paradise do? Will you engineer or breed out the survival instincts so there will never be a war?
What will your utopia of no violence do against a sociopath? How can people raised to abhor violence kill or even subdue someone?
If your society is against hierarchies, how will you keep them from developing them in the future? Will it be like in The Dispossessed where jobs are rotated and everyone gets their clothes and food from he same depots?
If your utopia is based on one or more Gods, how will you keep the faith? Will you execute heretics, or just re-educate them while you wait for your God(s) to show up?

Perhaps most important, how will you achieve your dreams?
Will you wait for the Gods to come down from on high (or from down low) to show everyone the Truth? Will there be a violent uprising of the working classes? Must aliens destroy civilization, allowing for the survivors to build anew?

If you are basing your beliefs and actions off of some future paradise, you should at least have some idea of what it is and how it will come about.

Or are you going to be like the Operative in Serenity—someone who believes hard and never questions while he carries out the duties he knows are wrong, but he is told they will help build paradise?


ETA:
This post generated some great discussion between a friend and I; so I'll copy some of my favorite bits here too.
"not that we shouldn't work to make the world a better place but when someone's only interested in working toward this end goal of utopia and isn't interested in all the stuff along the way it seems kind of meaningless."--SomethingElse
"I think it's a form of internalized transphobia/cissexism when medically transitioning trans*folk give no-ho/op trans*folk shit. I remember one discussion I had with a bunch of feminists about MWMF where a trans*woman said she was fine with being excluded if it meant "manly, aggressive" no-ho trans*women were also excluded."--Me
"i think [a real, workable solution] would involve a huge shift in values but it seems like it would be much more of a "utopia" in my opinion and is a whole lot less interesing than some sci-fi version of utopia but also has a lot more value for different people's needs and wants and stuff. like i don't think its about making everyone happy, i think its about ballancing out power so that everyone has some power over their own life and also about, you know, making things consentual and stuff. like i feel like a lot of stuff that i've learned from bdsm kind of stuff, like a lot of the values that happen there are ones that i feel like the world would be a much better place if everyone had those values for everything in their life"--SomethingElse

I realize that a "perfect" world/life has a lot of attraction for people (duh), but I fail to see how people can take the idea of utopias seriously. I know that many times when people say utopia or revolution they are not being literal and/or serious, but I know that some folks are and I just can't believe that they are that naive.

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Here is me affirming my gender:

Around this time (I think) anti-trans* feminists were actually mentioning trans*guys; obviously, they knew/know about as much about trans*guys as they know about trans*women. I think I was also upset at the tranny-chasers who were posting on ftm and the guys who were defending objectifying/fetishizing trans*folk/trans*guys. While I do think there is a way to be attracted to gender variant, third gender, genderqueer, obviously trans* folks, etc. without being objectifying/fetishizing, most of the folks I've seen really have been icky about it (I am not the "best of both worlds", fyi).
And I don't view myself as female, biologically female, third gender, butch, etc.
I am a man/guy who was incorrectly assigned female at birth and was incorrectly seen and viewed as female growing up. I am still misgendered as female by others even now.
I do believe that my transsexuality has a biological basis (I think the brain-sex theory really fits me for instance) and that I am biologically male. I realize that I have body parts that are often assigned-female, but I generally don't see them as female (even though I still have disphoria, I still don't see my vagina/chest as being female). I am male, my parts/body is mine/me, therefore my body/parts are also male. That is how I see myself (though other trans*folk can see their bodies/arts any way they like and I will respect their identities/views; as we are all different and have different experiences etc).

Just because I am trans*, doesn't mean I am not a man.
I am a man.

Yes, my parents thought I was a girl until I told them differently, but I am still a man.
Yes socialization plays a part in who I am.
Socialization does not make up my whole being.

I am a man.

I do not hate women.
My cismale friends do not hate women; don't lie and say they do.

I am a man.

Do not tell me I am not a man and instead am some subset of woman/some third gender because I lack a penis OR because people thought I was a girl.

Just shut up; I don't care if your trans*/butch SO agrees with you and your politics.
He may not be a man, but I am not him.

I am a man.

The difference that exists between me and cismen is merely physical; something that can be changed if I so desire.

I do not lie when I say I am a man and always have been.
I am not denying the truth when I object to being placed in a third gender category or with women.

My dating/fucking options are not limited to people who objectify and fetishize what they think I am.
There are people out there who see me as the person I am.

I am a real man.

Yes, I am in a gender category.
Yes, there are people out there who are attracted to me.
My gender?
Male.

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Yay, more old posts few people ever read!

This is back when Rainsong/Renee was going as woman'sspace. Now I can recognize her style/arguments, but at the time I really didn't know much about her.

The blogs on blogspot give me so much awesome, and yet, so much bigotry
So, I've been reading a bunch of feminist blogs lately to procrastinate learn more about feminism, anti-racism theories, etc. I'm not reading the blogs of the bigots, but of course, I can't escape them. A new bigot appears on fetchmemyaxe.blogspot.com (who oddly enough, goes by womans'space. One of the other bigots blog is womensspace, who goes by Heart; though she says she isn't the same).

Ws'S: "I don't think that husbands and fathers who have said they are men, are women and I see them as annexing the lives of women. I feel this a grievous offense not unlike child molestation."
-Do I really need to say why this makes me upset? I mean, as a transguy I should be able to express outrage for this drivel.

Another blog, sexualambiguities.blogspot.com, the owner makes a post about the comments on FMMA. Womens'space shows up. (As does womensspace)

Ws'S: "I'm just not sympathetic to the trans movement or the trans identity. You all hurt and make invisible lot people that you aren't even aware of."
-O.O *goes back to throwing invisibility cloaks on people*

Heart: "I have said very explicitly that the trans movement is philosophically depraved. I acknowledge saying that. I have not stood in any kind of moral judgment of these people."
-We are at war with Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia.

Ws'S: "As I said to an FTM on a feminist list once. 'You don’t care enough about women to be one, why are you here?'"
-WTF. Just because a guy doesn't identify as a woman, doesn't mean he doesn't care about "womens' issues" and/or equality.

Ws'S: "I said earlier masculinity is a disease and I assume that FTMs have want it and have caught [it]..."
-umm... Not all of [traditional, white, European] masculinity is bad. According to Wiki, masculinity can include practical, rational, trustworthy, leadership, objective, brave, etc.
Moreover, not all transguys follow societys' sex/gender roles. Most transpeople I've met make their own gender expression.
Being trans doesn't mean I want to be a guy, it means I am a guy.


To both Ws'S and Heart:
*A transwoman transitioning is nothing like blackface! STFUN00B!
*While some people may use 'passing' to mean "passing as a ____", I use it to mean "Passing as a cisguy."
*Not all transpeople follow gender/sex roles. Not all transpeople transition late in life. Not all transwomen were "husbands and fathers". Not all transpeople are white. not all transpeople were successful/rich before transitioning.

Please, ciswomen feminists. Stop speaking about things you know nothing about (trangenderism, transpeople, our definitions, etc.). Stop making judgments on these things you are ignorant about. Seriously, almost any page on transpeople says that gender identity != gender/sex roles.

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Another Q_R rant

Here is another rant, this one was about people defending cissexist/transphobic bloggers like Heart. At this time I had stopped identifyig as a feminist in part because of feminists like Luckynckle, Delpyne_, Witchy Woo, etc.
Even now I am unsure if I really want to claim that label.

And outside of spaces/events specifically about going through childhood female-assigned or anything regarding female-assigned anatomy and/or birth/menstruation, I still see no reason for excluding trans*women.
A lot of the comments are interesting too so if you want to read them...

I love the smell of bigotry in the morning...
How come, whenever a feminist is called on her (or his) transphobia, shitlodes of people rally to her defense? They say SHIT like: "you don't know her!", "that's a gross mischaracterization of this blogger!!!", "she isn't hateful!!111", "OMG, stop stereotyping feminists!1eleventyone", ETC.
I am so sorry, but supporting people when they call transwomen SCAMs*, Buffalo Bills, and saying that to be a woman is to suffer XYZ and no man has ever suffered like that, IS TRANSPHOBIC!
BTW, if you looked at her list, you would see that many men have suffered what she says only women have ever suffered. But wait, she is immune from racism due to her black husbands and children, so she can ignore all implications of race.

Maybe, think on this, we trannies have reasons for disliking feminists? I mean, if they scorn us and tell us the exact same things dominionsts and other bigots tell us...
Transwomen are forced out of womens spaces, transmen are labeled as failed butches/feminists.
I get fucking mad when I see feminists telling each other, and sometimes justifying transphobia with this, that the "trans community" tends to be anti-feminist. There is nothing anti-feminist about being trans. Many of the trans-communities that I have seen include a lot of people who have been burned by feminists and hold an aversion similar to some people's distrust of christians.

I don't identify as a feminist anymore, in part, because of shit like this.

Honestly, STFU about us. People get pissed off when white feminists analyze race without POC there, yet I rarely see them say a word when cisgendered feminists go after transpeople.

If you want to say gender is a social construct and it will go away with the patriarchy, say it, I will laugh at you.
Yes, gender as the man/woman only thing many parts of the world has going on is a social construct, but there have always been some concept of gender. I know that gender is as real as biological sex, because I fucking experience it. I don't experience it because of some trauma or misogynistic viewpoints. And I definitely won't not experience it if you made everyone gender-neutral.
STFU and plzz DIAF.

*Surgically/Chemically Altered Males.

PS: I still don't see any reason for woman-born-woman only space. There is no common experience ALL women have that NO man has experienced.
Not all women menstruate or have kids. Not all men are immune to bigotry.

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One of my many rants in Q_R:

This was written about this guy who I used to consider a friend. We hung out a lot and at first I thought he was just ignorant and the type of creepy jerk that a lot of geeks are (you know, a person who acts like a asshole/creep but still a cool guy and a good person), but eventually I realized that he was just an asshole creep (he later tried to molest my friend while she was drunk. He then went around telling everyone that they had a one-night-stand and even now says she came on to him first). He outed me to practically everyone in the first few weeks of our freshman year; I had people whose name I didn't even know come up to me and ask me about hormones and if I had surgery yet (luckily everyone is pretty cool, but I was terrified when I first found out that practically everyone already knew).
He also went around telling folks I was just trying to get attention and he would then 'correct' people's pronouns.

Shut the fuck up
The men's room is not a "penis-only" room.
I sort of wish I could care that my going into the men's room makes you uncomfortable, but I guess I don't posses that gene. Since I do not wish to see you penis you do not need to worry about me walking to the other side of the bathroom and staring at you as you piss.

My genitals and/or hormone level does not change my gender. I am a guy, not a girl. I happened to missplace my penis and my voice never dropped. Those small details do not mean you can fuck my pronouns up all the time, tell everyone I'm not really a guy, or tell me that the reason I wasn't turned on by snuff porn is because "I'm still a girl".

To expand upon the above:
Your 'friends' are not sideshow attractions. Yeah, you think that girl is hot and you want to impress her or whatever. Introducing all your friends with a note as to their sexual orientation and gender identity is really not cool. "That is R, she, I mean 'he', is a really a transsexual. Next to her-him is the bisexual J."
Then telling us we were mean to her, because we were upset when she told us she "doesn't mind gay people so long as they don't touch her," is just plain fucking loathsome.
Furthermore, having someone I barely know going up to me and asking if I know when I am starting hormones is a little scary for someone who hasn't even come out to his parents and had only been somewhat out for a few months. Thanks again for telling everyone who I may come into contact with.

I like some porn, pictures, text, or video. I, like most guys, do not enjoy all porn genres. 'Chicks with dicks' and snuff do not turn me on. If I don't enjoy the couple of videos you put on for shits and giggles it doesn't mean I am any less male. Just because I like psychological torture more than pure physical torture does not make me a girl.

PS: Telling me my relationship is doomed is not nice. Telling me what a horrible boyfriend I am when you know I am down is really not nice.
It isn't my fault you are jealous because literally no one finds you attractive. Not even the angsty emo-boy who would go out with a rock if it found him attractive. That is right, contrary to your numerous statements, A wouldn't even hook up with you.
Maybe if you weren't such an asshole to everyone and their friends someone might be interested in you. So stop complaining to those of us in relationships. Especially stop taking bets as to when each couple will break up. And handing out bad advice.

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'Ello!!!

Okay, so over the next few days I'm going to keep adding links and blogs (if you have a site you want to suggest I link to, just comment with the url) and I'll also be posting my blog posts from my eljay and from queer_rage and tranny_rage. I've uploaded my posts to my new insnanejournal (yes, I also do not like the name or mental illness being used as a joke/gimmkick, but it'll do for a back-up as greatestjournal sucks almost as bad as eljay and the other LJclones are still using codes) I also saved all my posts and comments on my computer with
LJArchive.
Already I am missing having icons though, I like being able to add a little bit extra to my posts and comments.

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