Julie Bindel and My Childhood

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Burnt Armor

I wanna focus on the happy, the good, the correct, righteous love, on that which must be said, on the defiantly awesome for a minute. Though I know others may be getting annoyed at my constant link-farms, I'm just not really ready to post publicly atm. If you're my LJ-friend, look for a friends-only post in the next few days if you wanna know more.


"Ally" is a bad term to use.
Here is some interesting discussion on how "allies" will use snark and their(our) knowledge to one-up and dominate discussions with ignorant privileged folks.

Gauge did hir own write-up of CT. And it was linked to on Feministing!

Cedar is on a roll!
The Standards of Care are abusive and manipulative in practice.
Step Up; Step Back is actually something that came up between us at CT and I've been trying to formulate a response, but with all the shit happening with me personally I just can't right now. I'd love to, but I'm just not up for it.
Where next? What do we need? Another conversation I wish I had the energy/ability to contribute to.

Trans* rights have been protected in Maryland (for now at least).

Theres proposed legislation in the UK to recognize genders other than man/woman! But first, they need to hear that there is a real need for this.

The proposed legislation will initially state the case for necessity of provision of an alternative option alongside male and female in sex/gender field on forms for application and registration, such as passport application, the Census etc. We are presenting the case for a third option of ‘non gender-specific’, ‘gender not specified’ or ‘other’ on all forms.

In order for the legislation to have any chance of succeeding in early stages of procession through parliament, it is vital that we can demonstrate a strong social need for recognition of identities that have until now been unrecognised by law in all western countries and ignored by gendered society.

*This is where I need the help and support of EVERY resident in the UK who does not identify as male or female and for whom the options of male and female provided by gendered society are irrelevant, inadequate and insulting.*

...

Please send an email to my address Christie.Elan-Cane@ukgateway.net with *I SUPPORT NON GENDER-SPECIFIC OPTION* in the subject line. Give your full name and preferably a full address in the United Kingdom where you are resident. If you would rather not provide address details, write anyway with just your name but responses with a valid UK address should carry more weight if used to petition support from other ministers.
Please do not send any attachment documents with your email.

Per also asks that non-UK residents post this on their blogs/LJs/websites/etc so the word gets out.
And I'm wondering, why don't all those interested in a "gender-free society" send their support too? After all, you may be one step closer to that world** and you'll be helping real people at the same time! Or is the possibility of working with trans* folks instead of against us just too much to ask?
**I don't believe that world is possible, but certainly making it so that one does not have to choose woman/man is a way of showing that they are not the only options.


The Sky is Falling and our love is an act of war.
I won't quote it all because y'all should go over there and read and comment, but I really, really loved these parts:

Here's what they're on about: they live in a world where we are monsters. They live in a world that trembles daily, because we snake our faultlines through its foundations and each time we move more crumbles and falls over the yawning edge of the flattened sea. In their world, once near us, their children can be lost to them, and just seeing us represented fills them with the rage of people struck in the face and deprived of their birthrights.
That world needs to end, and we know it. That world will end, and they know it.
...
I say let's call down the thunders, then. Let's stand and fight. Let's own that our love is a matter of artillery, and fire salvo after salvo. Let's hold hands and kiss and fuck and dance while all over, rock shears from the cliff-faces of their shuddering world and it frays at the seams. Let's defiantly exist, exist hard, right next to them, public, brazen, beautiful. Let's drill and march and right on their doorsteps let's have unacceptable bodies and loud music and food whose aromas they find foreign and offensive. Let's fucking sing.

We can call it jubilation. They can call it war. Either way, the results are the same. We succeed, and walk hand in hand into a new world where our very existence is not considered a violation, or we do not--and are no longer in a position to care.

And Flames of Incandescent Terror is an awesome response to that:

Love is an act of blood. Love is an act of bone. It is your breath.

I am a child of the Mother of Demons. My love will rip up the foundations of the world if need be. It will tear apart your safe spaces. It will not let me be silent. My love is a claimed conspiracy to riot stashed in a jail cell awaiting judgement in Minnesota. My love does not wait for a permit or follow an established route. It is here now there then always not with a whimper but a bang and if your world is ending for it then remember that love will divide your families, set kith against kith and kin against kin, that you were warned and said you believed.

Living and other acts of Defiance:

I wont back down from who I truly am. I will not butch up to convince you I am a man, nor will I allow you to treat me as a woman. I am myself, a beautiful gargoyle with a heart of stone. I care not for your insistent and terrified mewling. I will not be convenient. I will not be neat. Your binary will not cage me.

At the moment, I am not sure if I am up for being a warrior, being defiant, up for more ripping and tearing. At the moment, I just want to crawl away and sleep until I can't care anymore.
Right now the world is too empty and too full; I can't bear it any longer.
But that is right now.
That is right after I am thinking of death and loss after my old mentor dies. Right when I am thinking of betrayal and hurt after drama and pain invade my safe spaces.
But that was now and soon now will be this.
I can't just sleep away till revolution comes. I have tough claws for war (and for protecting). I have wide wings for flight (and sheltering under). I have a rough tongue for lapping up the blood (and the tears).
I can rip and tear at hate and oppression with these teeth; even while I heal pain and the oppressed with this tongue.
So I will lick my wounds for now; here in my cave, with a battered and burnt suit of armor at my door and more marching towards this mountain.

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Camp Trans is made of win

As I said before, CT was awesome.
Michfest is no longer it's main thing, though certainly its still important to CT. The "WBW"(such a BS phrase) policy is pretty much unenforced and it seems like the majority of festies either don't care if trans* women are there or want trans* women there. In fact, some festies who left early left their wristbands with CT for trans* women to get in and another festy donated money for tickets for trans* women. I missed the days we walked the line, but I heard that reception was mixed which is pretty normal. Though there were some folks that didn't talk to any negative people at all.
The mtf-spectrum folks who went to fest all had a good time, they even hosted a workshop on ENDA. One woman I talked to said that one festie she had spoken with in the line recognized her and came over and said hi and was very glad that she had made it into fest.

There was some bad news. A fest van crashed and, while I'm not sure about details, apparently one fest goer died. When we learned of this, as a community, we immediately decided to get flowers and bring them to the gates. So the next day folks donated money and a few campers went to town to get the flowers. According to those that brought the flowers, the gate keepers were very grateful and I guess there were tears and hugs all around.

Getting back to CT...
I was completely in love with the trans*-centric space there. When we introduced ourselves we gave both our names and our preferred pronouns. Everyone I spoke to respected the gender identities of the others. I can't really put into words how awesome this felt.
It was literally the first time I ever felt really, really safe and not on the defensive in regards to my gender. It was the first time I felt that complete strangers would respect my maleness without me having to hide my transsexuality.
It was just utterly amazing to go somewhere and not second-guess myself and distrust the folks around me (in regards to my gender).

There were all sorts of genders represented; people who identified within the traditional binary to people who couldn't fit into it if they tried. There were butch mtf-spectrum folks; fem ftm-spectrum folks (besides me, though I wasn't feeling all that fem while I was there); and all sorts of flavors of androgynous folks. There were people who didn't use pronouns; some who didn't care what pronouns you used; there were folks who got very offended (rightfully so) if you didn't use the right pronouns.
And there wasn't any excuse for using the wrong pronouns; not only did folks introduce themselves with their pronouns, but it was perfectly acceptable and welcome to ask someone which they prefer. And I say this as someone who did accidentally use the wrong pronouns a few times; and I too don't have any excuse--all I could do was apologize and work to not fuck up again.
But yeah, just being around so many awesome trans* folk and making friends with them and really finally understanding that I'm not alone was just amazing. I really recommend going if you are trans*--especially if you don't know a lot of trans* folk yet. Though obviously only go if you are able to respect all trans* folk. *glares at the HBS folks*
Allies are of course welcome, but this is a, especially a mtf-spectrum, trans*-centric space.
And while I think mtf-spectrum folks were under represented, it wasn't nearly as bad as it used to be and there were a ton of totally awesome mtf-spectrum folks there. *waves at Cedar, Veronica, and everyone else*
There was also a lot of work on becoming better about class, race, disabilities, etc. It was sort of interesting because along with the folks who were in college and/or were rich enough to take a week long vacation, there were a lot of up who just didn't have a steady job or school who were able to come because we got rides or whatnot.
There weren't that many POC, but CT is working on trying to both be a more supportive and anti-racist place as well as reaching out to trans* people of color.
CT is also becoming pretty good about people with disabilities. We had an accessible porta poty this year. As well as folks who signed up to help with stuff like putting up/taking down tents for those who need help, carrying gear, etc. They also have a generator for things like power chairs.

There was also a great medic tent that anyone could go to. They had an herbalist, EMTs, and even a doctor for a bit. They did everything from advising about alternative treatments for long term things to removing ticks to giving folks their hormone shots.
There were also Advocates at most workshops and there was always at least one on duty and sober. They acted as amateur counselors, drama mediators, shoulder to cry on, etc.
I need an advocate now I think, I'm having a hard time writing this post because I want so badly to be back.

The workshops I went to were great. We had all kinds of workshops; serious ones like Accountability, fun ones like Ropes Bondage and Trans* bodies, identity-based ones like Genderqueer Caucus, and all sorts of others.
I attended one informative one about trans* and queer identities and science. An awesome festie ran it, she's a biologist and had all sorts of info and studies that apparently prove that queer, intersex, and trans* identities (at least regarding subconscious sex, gender isn't so concretely proven) are natural (I'm not a scientist and I didn't get a chance to read them through, so I can't say if they do prove anything). We exchanged emails and she got my url, so maybe she'll show up to comment sometime. It was amusing, when I mentioned my "how I experience trans*ism" post she seemed really interested in reading it. I guess my phantom limb syndrome really makes sense in her theory (something to do with the lymph system or something, I can't remember)[ETA: In comments she said it was the ancient mammalian limbic system of the brain, not the lymph system--I is SMRT].

The food was also really, really good. I need to get a hold of the vegan garlic potato soup we had for myself and I think my mom would like the vegan borst (though I'm not a fan of cooked carrots or beets, it was good).
Helping in the kitchen was a lot of fun. The kitchen princess (she's in charge of the kitchen and cooking) was really cool and workshifts were a useful and fun way to get to know more folks.
And you got extra helpings and/or treats for helping in the kitchen (cooking or dishes).

I don't remember how much I've talked about my depression or my current situation here in public, but I think CT will be the goal that gets me through. Not only do I have to goal to get to CT next year, but I hope to be in a place where I can work on various issues at CT.
Like I think that once I've started T, camp will be the perfect place to work on my nudity issues (CT is a very body-accepting place, but I just won't be able to work on certain body issues until I get on T). And I think that if I don't take on too much and keep my eyes on next August I could get through a school year okay, which means that I would have access to health care, which means I could go to an endo and get some vitamin T. I am waiting on my bf to see about possibly living somewhere outside of MI with him, but I think I will be able to deal if I do have to live in MI for a bit. Before I couldn't have dealt with that.
Even this year at CT, with all the problems I have currently, I was able to work on my confidence some while I was there, just by being there with such great people.
In less than a week I feel like I've healed and grown so much thanks to the wonderful folks I met there and the wonderful folks who put CT together these past few years.

And if anyone has any questions about CT feel free to ask. I'll answer what I can. ^.^
PS: CT friends should feel free to comment here or on my LJ (friend me to, I still read my friends page) at any time, I miss you all already. ^.^


ETA: [Removed because I'm not giving them energy]

ETA2: *waves to festies*
Hey, I hope you like my blog; theres a bunch of trans* 101 links to the side if you are interested. My friends who went to fest said it was a lot of fun! I'm glad you all have fun, personally. And I do support women-only space; I just support women-only space that includes all women.
CT was amazing and free (in more ways than one), maybe I'll see you all next year!

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He's Back!

So I'm back from Camp Trans.
It was totally made of awesomesauce. I cannot wait to go back and I wish it could have lasted waaay longer. I am definitely going to do a write up in a bit, but right now I am really tired (first shower and comfy chair in a week) and I'm semi-catching up on the internets. I'm just reading my favorites and skimming a lot; at CT I used up all my alloted excitement and energy for the time being. ^.^
I met sooo many completely rad folks and I hope to get to know them better in the coming year(s).
I am just so happy to have gone. Not only was it a fun place where I met great people, but it was incredibly healing. This was the first time, other than a bit online, that I could discuss really personal trans* related stuff or even stuff that was not directly related to me being trans*, but is still impacted by it, and have a group of people nod and tell me that what I experienced/felt/did/etc was completely natural. Even though many of our experiences and/or identities were very different, we supported and cared for and respected each other so much.
It was just so amazing; yes, there were problems and whatnot, but it was still just so amazing. It was so great, but now I am completely exhausted, and it isn't even 9pm, I can't write much more than that at the moment.

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Waiting

So, since my sister is ill and my mom doesn't want to drive back alone from dropping me off, I have to wait to go to Camp trans till the morrow. No, I don't drive. Trust me, you don't want me driving, we would all die.
But yeah, that means no internet for a few days. Yay Camp Trans! ^.^
I was commenting on the F Word, but I bowed out because I thought I was leaving.
I can be quite mean when I want to be (just ask my sister); why should I comment there if I am told I was too mean when I wasn't even trying? Perhaps I just have a tougher hide since I'm used to the snark comms on LJ; Rachel should be happy it was me commenting and not Drea. Drea would have made her cry. ^.^ I <3 style="font-weight: bold;">am quite mean and I need to improve my tone.
Apparently, calling a trans* woman by nongendered pronouns when it is quite obvious she identifies as a woman and uses female pronouns (everyone uses female pronouns for her; it isn't hidden) is not sufficient evidence of a commenter's disrespect. Apparently, many people believe that if an oppressed person is too mean, those in the oppressive group don't have to care or listen; oppressed people must beg appropriately for our rights. If we are too mean, if we don't use the proper tone, we aren't deserving of rights or being listened to. (go greased lighteningwite magik, go wite magik!)

What I was reading and what I think you should read.
Message Received, by Woman.
"Even if it turns out that trans people provide scientific proof that gender is something that exists as a real biological phenonmenon rather than a strictly social construct, feminism remains intact. Sexism and the resulting oppression of women is a social construct, because it is founded on the idea that gender is a binary with proscribed behavioral expectations for either side. Transgenderism simply provides another dimension to the ideology of feminism: the fascinating idea that gender is far more complex than binaries.
...
There really isn’t any good reason not to allow trans women into feminist women-only safe spaces if they identify as women, only fears that the patriarchy gives us, and we have far more reason to reject that then we do to deny the inclusion of trans people whose fundamental premise (again, when you really listen) is a rejection of the patriarchal definition of gender."

Sweden is proposing to make sterilization mandatory for all trans* people who wish to medically transition. What was that we were saying about how horribly trans* people are treated by doctors? Honestly, medical questions are the most common questions to be asked in many of the trans* forums I read. Not only questions with finding decent doctors, finding therapists who won't turn you away, but asking questions that their doctors can't answer because they don't know or care about trans* health. Asking, because they may be afraid of even going to a doctor, if x symptom could be a result of their hormones; even if they aren't afraid of doctors they may be afraid that their doctor will take away their hormones. BTW, Nick Gorton's free book is recommended for learning about trans*men's health.

Its the Trans Agenda!!!

Debi Crow on Angie Should Still be Here. (fyi, women-only commenting)
"The point I am going to make is a simple one: Angie Zapata's life, and her murder, are just as important, equally as important as those of the 2 women a week who die in this country[the UK] at the hands of husbands, boyfriends, or male relatives. Just as important. And the women here dying every week are just as important, equally as important as Angie Zapata, and all the other trans women and men who are murdered for being trans.
...
And if you are a feminist who is concerned about the epidemic of male violence against women, but do not think that the death of a trans woman is that important, or anything you need to concern yourself with, you are not only lost, but also wrong."

More from Debi, the roma are being horrifically persecuted. Now the government is trying to mandate finger printing to control "thieves" and "immigrants".

A Letter to Kyle Payne from Outis.
I left a comment on his site, but he deleted it. I basically told him that Ren and the other "pro-porners" in the "smear campiegn" are better feminists than he is; given that he's raped a woman and all.

BFP thinks on how Angie is Latina, will this be used as another excuse to let Andrade off? Was this another reason Andrade felt she was less than human?
"Angie’s murderer may have assaulted her to find out if she was a ‘real’ woman–but he listened to her name, the way she spoke, he noticed her skin color, the clothes she wore–and ALL of those things, along with whatever he thought he felt or didn’t feel when he assaulted Angie, came together in his mind to create “it”–a thing worthy of murder, a thing nobody would care about if she came up missing."
Unfortunately, very, very true. Trans* women of color, especially if they are poor or are sex workers, are the ones most often killed and beaten and raped. Race, trans* status, her gender as a woman, her actual or supposed job as a sex worker, her class, these all an more come together to create a nonhuman in the eyes of the kyriarchy.

Ren's feeling better! Hopefully she won't scar and can get back to work soon. ^.^
She also has another list of folks writing on Payne.

Belle has written on Angie and how London Pride called for back-up against the trans* women who just wanted to take a piss. Later, one trans* woman was sexually assaulted after she was forced to use the mens bathrooms.

I haven't had time to read it yet, but Julia Serano published an article in Alternet (apparently, the comments are disgusting though).

I'm a little wary of linking to theFword due to how the tone argument got thrown at me and Emily, but I really like this post. Laura's rethinking her devotion to the "gender is entirely a social construct" theory. Personally, I think it is obvious that she still is against sexism and rigidly defined gender roles. Most trans* people are too you know. Rigidly defined gender roles need to be banished; genders should not have any scripted roles, especially not ones that are enforced with violence. We need to separate gender from assigned sex, gender and sex from gender roles, gender from orientation, etc. Trans* people are not inherently in the way of this (some individuals are of course, but then so are many cis* folks).

Miss Crip Chick's entire front page is interesting and awesome.

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Yeah, just more links

Plastics and other commonly-used chemicals may be responsible for early puberty (as in 14-month old babies and 7 year old girls). I already don't eat meat and try to use soaps without chemicals in them...but I know its impossible to get away from them all.

Kate Bornstein on WALL-E. I <3 loneliness, WALL-E, and being trans*.
(I got both links from Helen).

Queen Emily is guestposting on Lisa's blog; she's doing an awesome job looking at common cissexist/transmisogynist tropes. So far, "You're really just a man/woman" and "patriarchal privilege" are up; and the comments are pretty good too imo.

London Pride shouldn't be proud of how they treated (and their non-apology) trans*women. At Pride, trans*women were barred from using the women's restrooms. The stewards called the police on them and the police demanded their gender recognition certificates. WTF.

The People's History of the American Empire (video).

Debs did a "Rape News Round-up".
And now I want to get a few of these books...

Bint Alshamsa tells us not to call her "differently abled".

Measure of Medication from Gehenna.

Over at Radical Masculinity there is a call for discussion about creating healthy models of masculinity. The posts sie (?) links to are very good reading (one of which is a critique of Robert Jenson's views on masculinity, the other is on butch identity and ableism). I highly recommend a lot of the posts on RM; Genderqueer Genders in Society and Masculine Privilege Without Male Privilege? are two great ones.

Also, if I'm still in MI I really want to go to Camp Trans. Is anyone else going?


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3rd person is 3rd person

Kristopher went away to be hounded and guilt-tripped for several days nonstop, cut off from all his Important People.
Kristopher was already depressed and lonely and therefore did not need more bad energies.
Then Kristopher came back to find that there was drama everywhere. And not just where or how he expected it. Moreover, drama between people he sees as e-friends and bad drama in places he hoped to stay fun/good so that he could stay sane. >.<

Kristopher also found out he may be confined to MI for this Autumn--which is very, very, very, very, very...very bad.
Therefore, Kristopher will probably ignore the world and read fanfiction and World of Darkness rulebooks** nonstop for the next few days.
Somehow, he thinks isolation will fix loneliness and depression; whats the worst thing that could happen? It's not like he hasn't already tried this and had bad things happen as a result... oh wait...

Kristopher would very much like to cuddle and wrestle with his boyfriend as this makes everything look nicer; far, far away from their relatives would be nice too.
Unfortunately, Kristopher will only see the boyfriend when Kristopher is out of MI.
At least if Kristopher is in MI during August he might be able to go to Camp Trans. That would still be a maybe though, as that may be Too Much for parents to handle and gas is really expensive. (though he, unlike some *coughcoughheartcoughcough*, will not pass a collection plate so that he can go and buy handmade soaps and clothes)


PS: I remembered my first evar dream! I have never, ever, ever remembered a dream before. I thought I was magically unable to dream or something!
This dream? Totally a message, though of what I don't know; I need to talk about it with certain friends f mine who are better at spiritual stuffs than i am. Unfortunately, they have not been very reachable (computer died, they have jobs, etc) lately and so this may take a while. >.<

And can anyone tell I am trying to procrastinate against sleeping? Sleeping alone is boring and we hates it, yes precious we hates it.
Can someone teleport my boyfriend here for me? Cause then i could sleep and cuddle and wrestle; everything a growing boy needs...

**At least kristopher will find it useful for that monster post he has floating around in his head.

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