Everyone wants me to be something.
They all have some view of who or what I am or should be.
How I should act. Why I am who I am.
Most don't believe me when I say I know who and what I am.
They tell me I'm wrong, that I'm really w, x, y and not Me.
Many folks tell me they know why I am who I am.
I don't really know the whys, yet I can tell that theirs aren't true and are harmful to many.
My dad just thinks what I am is a phase. I suppose that's true. After all, when I die I won't be a man anymore but a spirit instead and who knows about my next life--I could be anything.
I don't think that's what he means though.
My mom thinks it's her fault; that she did something wrong to make me a man.
I don't see why it's so bad, so wrong, to be a man, to be transsexual.
My friends don't see anything wrong with me. They don't try to figure out why I'm a man anymore than they try to figure out why any of our other friends are men or women. They might think about what made them who they are, but it's different to look at yourself.
My cis*male boyfriend just sees the man he's in love with; I'm just shaped a bit differently than he is.
The religious riech tells me I'm a pervert, confused, and disordered. That I need to be made into a submissive, straight, Christian woman.
mAndrea, KA, Thebewilderness, Janice Raymond, and others like them think I'm a pervert, a traitor, disordered, or deceiving myself. That I need to make myself into an andro or masculine political lesbian,
But when I look at myself, I see a man, a geeky man. A man who is pretty sure of who he is, growing surer all the time, and trying to find his place in the world.
I see a guy who happens to mostly like other men, who likes weaving, reading, and making jewelry.
A man who likes feeling the Earth and hir energy; who will go outside when it's storming to feel the wind against his face.
A man who is in love with a great guy who is in love with him back.
I see a man who often feels invisible and misplaced in the world, but who is slowly learning to speak out and carve a place for himself.
And looking at me are the men I might become. The better men are coming closer all the time and the lesser men are fading from view.
I won't bow out and hide myself away again. I won't bow to the pressure of others and become a shadow of a man pretending to be a girl.
I won't listen when they say they know who I am and who I should be. I will ignore or laugh and ridicule those who presume to speak for me without listening.
I don't care why I am who I am; but I will tell you when your theories are wrong or harmful.
I will be supported by my boyfriend and friends and loved ones I have yet to meet; they see the man I am and the men I might be. I will follow my heart and soul and mind to where I should be.
Being myself and speaking my truths, no matter how they harm your theories, will do more for the universe and it's peoples than fading away and letting the minds and needs of others control me.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Everyone wants me to be something.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Emily tagged me for a meme, so I can take a break from t3h stupid for a bit. ^.^
8 random things about me:
1) I 'talk' to my cats. I can meow, growl, and make other various noises and can have 'conversations' with them. And not just my cats, I do this with stranger cats too. The neighbor's cat likes me, I chat with him and he seems to like me--he tried to get me to hang out under the car with him before it rained one day. ^.^
2) I dislike the water, yet there are a few situations where I love it. Swimming in large lakes/the ocean when it's storming is one of the few times I like the water.
3) I'm a vegetarian, yet one of my favorite things about eating baby carrot sticks is that I like to imagine they are bones I'm snapping and chewing on.
4) My parents disagree, but my bf and I think I may have broken a rib as a child because not only is one rib shaped oddly/sticking out weird but I sometimes have a hard time breathing (not asthma though).
5) I love peach soda; both Faygo brand and those Japanese bottles with the marbles brand.
6) I love walking barefoot--even in the city. I can handle walking on pavement and gravel as well as soft surfaces like sand and mud.
7) My music tastes range from death metal (Dethklok) to disney songs (Stand Out--A Goofy Movie).
8) I hate cut lawns. Grass should grow to at least my knees and have a bunch of other plants mixed in. Cut lawns look like shit imo.
Should they choose to accept it, I tag anyone who wants to.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
So, given that I have seen some interest in this and she's been linked to in a feminist carnival (I'll link to this response instead because t3h awesomeness), I'm going to address and/or snark (whichever works) Miss Andrea's "Deconstructing Transgenderism" posts and comments. Seriously, she leaves these comments all over; reminds me of the rabbit shit left all over when you don't train them to use the litterbox.
Warning, this post will contain snark, condenscendationz, speaking in lolcat and 1337, geeky references, and some actual logic-not moonlogic. I will not be nice. I am not obliged to answer or refute every little thing Andrea says, especially as much of it is illogical and/or based off of strawtrannies. Moreover, I and other trans*folk have answered it all before.
Hopefully, trans*folks and our friends and allies can find my snarking amusing; hopefully my head won't plode from the fail. Yes, plode; my head could explode or implode, the fail is that high.
Hokay, so, heres the earth...oh wait, rong, its da m00n.
Here's the first post (no technorati ratings for you! http://feminazi.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/no-really-im-evil-transgenderism-preliminaries/), where she links to a nice post on the fword. Hey, it's on my trans* 101/201 links! Nifty.
Then she starts on about how she's addressing the "broader philosophical concept" and not individuals, but we'll see that she completely fails at this.
Next she starts talking about how some parts are not the whole and how feminists need to learn this and I sit and think she needs to practice what she preaches, but what the hell do I know? I'm a tranny, therefore retardedz and disorderedz. Somehow this ties into crying girls and pity shields against deconstruction... I think Andrea needs to go back and learn how to organize paragraphs and sentences; and the definition of 'logical' and 'argument'. I'm not the only one that thinks so, so it's not just my reading abilities; and I can make sense of Eliade and Tolkien and the like! I is smart: SMRT!
Oh look, now she's talking about how we can either look at the larger issue or make it about you and we can't have both.
So if I'm discussing how women (trans* & cis*) are treated shitty compared to cis*men, y'all can't give personal examples? Oh, and now apparently it's impossible to talk about someone, their experiences, and/or feelings without being mean. OK, the next time I discuss what it's like to be trans* I'll keep this in mind--by talking about me I've made it okay to call me a retard and a liar. Makes total logical sense; moonlogic that is.
And just as "freshly raped" person shouldn't argue about rape, freshly transitioned folks shouldn't argue about trans*ism. Yesh, this makes t0t4l s3ns3! 0, and that phrase, "freshly raped", is a direct quote. *headdesk*
Ya Rly, leik t0ta11y wh0a.
This post is all rather rambling and doesn't seem to say much. Except, of course, lulz 2 c0me!eleventyone
Now, "Deconstructing Transgenderism Part One":
After some more rambling, we come to this bit of fun, "Unless I am mistaken, she[Twisty] likes transgendered folk for the same reason that most feminists seem to like them — they prove gender is fluid."
So, I know there are some folks out there that think that we prove gender is fluid and being trans* destabilizes the pat and all that jazz. I've met, liek, one person that thought this, but then maybe I just haven't been in the right groups. Julia Serano talks about this sort of thinking in Whipping Girl and I think she, as someone who has had experience with them, is better at refuting this than I could be. To summarize Ms Serano's points: this sort of thinking privileges 'subversive' genders and gender expressions over 'conventional' ones. Moreover, they often ungender trans*folk who identify within the man/woman binary.
And there are obviously leik no feminists who like us because, ya know, we're their friends/family/coworkers/etc. and we're human beings. And, ya know, they don't think they have sup4r mind reading p0wers to disprove what we say about ourselves.
Next she acts like all trans*folk transition 'all the way to the end' (whatev that means) and identify within the binary. [insert long and verbose screed about how not all trans*folk transition or identify within binary; check out my trans* 101 links if you need it]
Unfortunately, all her posts and comments that I've seen seem to think this, so yeah. She's leik, way behind trans* activism and theories and whatnotz. Sooo 1950's.
And then theres more ranting about how no one would transition if we didn't think certain traits were male and others female...And I sit here thinking about how if that was why I transitioned I did it in the wrong direction.
...and now theres more of that wonderful "penis to pick up a hammer" analogy (only now with more
sodium!vaginas picking up vacuums!) I quoted before... Dear Gods, why? Why must you keep referencing tentacle monsters and hentai! I didn't bring it up, you and your commenters do! It's your porno mind, not mine!
NOT MY KINK! But give me Sam/Bee transformers pron anyday...
And now, slightly better, I get the picture of stereotypical!gay-man-who-thinks-he-must-transition going around in a vag' boutique choosing which one he wants...while he has a little dog in his purse. And for some reason he looks and acts like Carson from Queer eye...
plx, save me?
Noes! Cannot be sav3d, i must make my time
now there is old meme, we transition for fetish or cause we gay. old meme makes Snape take points from Gryffindor; now you lose house cup.
Lastly theres something or other about trans*women's tear-stained bits...
Again, not my kink...
But, I can't forget the comments! Noes, t3h comments are almost better than the post itself. Theres the: OMGz!!! Trannies are totally trannies because they like hentai!! All tranies leik t3h hentai!
OMGz, fetish! perverts! disorderz! rapeistez! schitzoes! OMGZ!!!!!!11111!eleventyoneoneOhNoes!
"I can has hentai?" says the strawtranny.
"I madez you a hentai, but radfems eated pastryarchy" says the sex pox feminist.
There, we learn from t3h genious KA, that we all gotz t3h fetish or t3h OCD. I guess I must has t3h OCD since I don't has t3h fetish. Maybe I catch the fetish from my trans* friends? Afterallz, I can't stand being left out; justt leik I am a man because of how manly I amz. *strikes a pose*
*trips on feather boa* oops, my slip is teh showing.
Sastuma yet again tells how real lesbians don't like sex or porn... Maybe she knows all the lesbians who bring up sex are actually mtf folks because of her clear-eyed lesbean gaze?
KA does a remix on the trans*women luurve being abused whores trope:
"It’s the rape and total control over a synthetic female body, giving him and any other man he includes full access to treating women the way they both love to fetishize treating women. They then strengthen the conditioned response to female parts with their misogynist sex.That’s why you see so many misogynists patronizing MtF prostitutes, and MtF prostitutes happy to do it. Sexist men look out for each other and will cooperate to control women’s bodies in any novel way they can think of."
Yes, KA and Andrea (she told KA she loved her comments and how true the are) are saying that trans*women like being raped. That they like being prostitutes because they like enacting abuse on "synthetic female bodies".
I cannot make a joke out of this. And on that note, I'm done for now. After I eat and do the dishes I'll do the third post and various comments in another post. The FAIL, especially that last bit I quoted, is making me literally sick.
ETA: mAndrea does believe in differences between the sexes!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Hokay, so, I'm just going to direct y'all over to Transgriot because she's got a few awesome posts up (then again, when doesn't she?).
And I'm thinking about writing up a post snarking, fisking, or even attempting to refute this one self-identified feminazi's posts and comments on "transgenderism", but I don't know if I want to break my brain. Here is why this could very well break my poor wittle tranny-brain;
"Most transgendered will say that their goal isn’t to “do” any activity, they will say that they just “are” a certain way. Does this make sense? One is an activity that is “done”, the other is a state of being that “is”.
Let’s go through that, just to doublecheck:
You don’t need a penis to pick up a hammer. In other words, you don’t need a penis to “do”.
You don’t need a penis to think about hammers. In other words, you don’t need a penis to “think.”
You don’t need a penis to feel any emotion for hammers. In other words, you don’t need a penis to “feel”.
You don’t need a penis to feel or to not-feel any emotion at all.
Emotions are feelings. To feel an emotion is a state of “being”.
OOPS!! We just used logic to rule out their only explaination. The only explaination left is that it’s a fetish. After 30 years of having this conversation, they still can’t explain why it’s not a fetish."
Yeah...do you see how I could have a hard time translating this moonspeak?
And she talks about how logical she is and how illogical we trannies are; how we just keep trying to appeal to emotions and she doesn't and can't condone appealing to emotions and not logic... o.o
Yeah, apparently, disgust, anger, etc. (the emotions her posts/comments appeal to) aren't really emotions or are somehow logical.
...And now I am, for some reason, imagining a penis that is like an elephant's trunk picking up a hammer. DO NOT WANT
Hmmm, maybe later I'll just go through and make fun of the particularly stupid parts (like that gem above). I just honestly can't believe that she seriously thinks she's proving anything or acting logically. She's made a couple posts on "transgenderism", one of her commenters produced that wonderful idea that some trans*folk are only trans* because we have OCD about our genitals. And she trolled Lisa's blog with the same shit as she did on Anji's, just a bit less of it. BTW, I did answer the "prove it's not a fetish" meme in Lisa's comments. And then, since m andrea never came back, we started to chat about which super powers are better (shapeshifting FTW) among other things. ^.^
I've had friends that were very logical; one is so logical she intuits calculus. And when I explained trans*ism and me being a guy to her she basically went, "Huh, alright, that makes sense. Oh hey, can you find me some resources on asexuality? I have no idea where to even look."
ETA: I'm thinking I'll only do a post on m andrea's "logic" if folks are interested; theres no point in engaging unless I can at least make others laugh, cry, headdesk, etc. ^.^ So just tell me if you are, or are not, interested in reading such a post (though I doubt I will go too deep, I like what little sanity I have left).