Too fucking easy.

Tradgedies galore.
Here's an article by a LJ friend of mine on how fucking easy it is to kill trans*folk. There's also an article about a ten-year old's suicide because this male-assigned kid wanted to be a girl.


How To Kill a Transperson

By Ceridwen Troy
This article was written on Friday, Feb. 15, 2008.

On Saturday, Sanesha Stewart, a transwoman of color living in the Bronx, was murdered in her own apartment. She was 25 years old. Her accused killer, Steve McMillan, had known her for months, yet when he was arrested, he claimed to have been enraged to find out that she was what the media coverage called not really a woman. He stabbed her over and over again in the chest and throat. She tried to fight him off; there were defensive wounds found on her hands.

On Tuesday, eighth-grader Lawrence King was in a classroom in Oxnard, Calif. He was openly gay, and often came to school in gender-bending clothing, makeup, jewelry and shoes. According to another student, it was freaking the guys out. One of them shot Lawrence in the head. He was declared brain-dead on Wednesday.

It is easy to look at cases like this and think, how tragic. How random. How senseless.

But then, you forget how easy it is to kill a transgender person.

You forget that all across this nation, faith leaders of all stripes, men and women who claim to speak for God Himself, call us sinners, call us abominations, call us evil.

You forget that at best the media depicts us as something to be pitied, something that our families must be strong and overcome. At worst, they depict us as abnormal, exploiting our bodies for ratings, exploiting the publics fear of us for shock value.

You forget that on a good day, law enforcement agents are neglectful of us, and that far more frequently they join in our harassment. You forget the transwomen of color who are rounded up on suspicions of prostitution. You forget the beatings that go uninvestigated. You forget the molestation and rape we face when we are arrested.

You forget the medical establishment that drains our wallets for the therapy and hormones and surgeries they tell us we need. You forget the way we are then refused treatment when we are dying, dying of treatable diseases, dying of easily patched wounds.

You forget that, by the law of the land, it is legal in the majority of states to deny us employment, to deny us service, to deny us housing.

You forget the shelters and the rape crisis centers that will not allow us through their doors.

You forget that many of us do not even have family to turn to when we are at our most desperate.

You forget that the leaders of our own community have told us that it is not time for us to have rights, that it is not pragmatic for us to be considered worthy of the same respect as other human beings.

You forget that in our own circles, it is considered a negative thing to be too flamboyant. You forget the way our pride parades have been derided by our own community. You forget the scorn heaped upon drag queens by other gay men. You forget the fear to be seen in public with a friend who is considered too open, too queer.

You forget the way it seeps into the minds of transgender people, too. You forget the way a transsexual will shout that she is not a crossdresser, as if there were something wrong with that. You forget the catty names we call each other if we don’t pass”

You forget how many of us take our own lives every year.

You forget because the noise is always there, a constant drone in the background. Every newspaper piece that calls a transwoman he instead of she. Every talk show host who spends an hour talking about our genitals. Every childish taunt about looking like a tranny. Every transperson who talks about themselves as true transsexuals. Every activist and politician who tells us now is not the time.

You forget too, how easy it is to kill a person of color, with myths about gangstas and lies about immigrants. You forget how easy it is to kill a person living in poverty, cutting off her welfare because she is suuposedly being paid to breed. You forget how easy it is to kill a sex worker, with sex-shaming language, slinging about slurs like hooker and whore.

You forget the message hidden inside every single one of those statements.

You are less than I am. You are not worthy of the rights and respect that I am worthy of.

You are not human.

It is very easy to kill something that you do not see as human.

It is very easy to kill a transperson.


Gender torment of 10-year-old Cameron

(I'll use nongender pronouns for Cameron)
This poor kid, hir poor family... no one should have to bury their child.
And hir mom sounds far more supportive than many parents; she bought hir girls knickers and was their for hir and had only refused to buy hir make-up because sie was only ten.
I hate this society. I hate that a kid can feel so alone, so hopeless, that sie would kill themselves because they are or may be trans*.

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A moment of silence...

I honestly don't know what to type right now, so I'll link to the words of some others folks.
Megan rounded up a lot of the articles, beware, they're pretty bad.
Holly on Feministe.
Little Light is a true poet.
Lisa has a look at how trans*women of color are treated in the media.
Belledame also has some thoughts on the news coverage.
Cara has even more.

This isn't specifically about Sanesha, but Julia Serano's TDoR post is so very touching. And on her Feministing article, she links to this article about Gwen Araujo, but I just want others to read it too.
"No one deserves to be killed for deception.
But in Gwen's case, there was no deception. Gwen was just being herself. In a world in which we are all told we have to be more feminine or more masculine -- Gwen was wise enough to know herself and brave enough to be herself. That is beautiful. She should be our role model.
Instead, transgender people are seen as deceivers. The word "deception" comes up often in our lives." --Dylan Vade

ETA: And another kid was killed; eighth grade, a classmate shot him for being gay and feminine.

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Why do I keep calling the Decepticons "Destructocons"?

In light of this upcoming event...

Because This Isn't a Utopia
Unless your idea of a Utopia is one where LGBT folks, POC (people of color), female-assigned and/or identified people, and other groups are treated as less than human.

Triggers for mentions as well as a couple accounts of rape, assaults, etc.
Here is Amnesty Internationale's (AI) Stonewalled, a pdf report of police brutality against LGBT folk. (And FIERCE is named in the report a few times!)
It includes everything from police raping, beating, profiling, allowing others to rape and/or assault LGBT folks, policing morals, targeting LGBT activists/demonstrators, forcibly supporting gentrification, and how police officers are trained to deal with GLBT people (or rather, how they aren't trained).
(No, I don't blame every police officer)


A few of the many stories:
Montgomery, Alabama: Marissa, a white transgender lesbian woman, reports that in 2001 she was abused in jail. She told AI, “Two jailers and a state trooper made me strip in front of them while they looked on … I was made to dance around in front of them, shouting ‘I’ve got a penis, I’ve got a penis!’ Then they made me hold my penis in front of them and show them I could masturbate. I was then cavity searched; the anal search was excruciatingly painful, much more than any physician-directed rectal exam I ever had. I was then told to shower while one guy watched. By this time I was very, very weak, and collapsed, injuring my arm, shoulder and back …. I pleaded to see a doctor but was ignored and forced to walk to a cell carrying a mattress. The police officers and jailers constantly referred to me as ‘that dick’ …. Apart from the fact that I was repeatedly forced to admit I was a man, I was called ‘faggot,’ ‘sir’ and ‘fucking pansy.’”

"Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: Finesse Kelly, an African American transgender woman, and a friend were attempting to hail a cab in the early morning hours of 4 February 2002 in Philadelphia. A police officer reportedly hurled slurs at Finesse, including “retard” and “animal,” and then arrested her."

"Cincinnati, Ohio: Spears, a 26-year-old gay man, was allegedly arrested after he was the victim of a homophobic crime. Spears alleges that while handcuffed and placed in the police car, he asked why he was being arrested. The officers stopped the car and reportedly maced him in the face and poked him with a nightstick when he squirmed to get away from the mace.""

"Athens, Georgia: In 2004, a lesbian from Athens filed a civil lawsuit alleging that a former Gwinnett County Georgia deputy raped her because she is a lesbian. The officer is accused of forcing her into her apartment at gunpoint and raping her. The woman said the officer vowed to “teach her a lesson” and said “the world needed at least one less dyke and he was going to make sure that happened.” He was charged with rape, false imprisonment, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault with intent to rape, and violating his oath of office. According to the Athens-Clarke County District Attorney’s office, while acquitted on a number of charges, the officer was found guilty of violating his oath of office. The officer agreed to a deal whereby he received two years probation where he was to have no contact with the victim, he was banned from Athens-Clarke County, and promised not to appeal the decision."


Here is an AI magazine article titled Brutality in Blue:
(Here is a portion of the article)
"When officers police by prejudice, permitting gender stereotypes to dictate decisions, punishment often falls on victims rather than criminals. In one Amnesty International (AI) account of a domestic dispute between lesbians, the officers arrested the woman who looked more masculine, even though she had placed the 911 call; in another, officers advised the woman who looked more feminine, "You need a real man." Although statistics are scarce, most experts agree that, as with anti-gay bias crimes in general, reported cases of police LGBT mistreatment are only the tip of the iceberg.

Confrontations sparked by an officer's homophobic slur can escalate into outright physical or sexual violence. After being attacked on the street, a young gay man told AI, he flagged down two officers on patrol; they responded with taunts, then handcuffed him, pushed him into their car and sprayed Mace in his face when he demanded to know why he was being arrested. And the violence comes in different forms. A Native-American transgender woman told AI, "The police are not here to serve; they are here to get served. Every night I'm taken into an alley and given the choice between having sex or going to jail."

That transgender individuals, particularly women and young people, bear the disproportionate brunt of police brutality against LGBT people is among the AI report's key conclusions. The AI report also found that within the LGBT community, people of color, youth, the homeless and immigrants are at greater risk of police abuse. AIUSA Executive Director Dr. William F. Schulz commented at the Sept. 22 Stonewalled press conference in New York City, "Transgender individuals, people of color and the young suffer disproportionately, especially when poverty leaves them vulnerable to homelessness and exploitation and less likely to draw public outcry or official scrutiny. It is a sorry state of affairs when the police misuse their power to inflict suffering rather than prevent it.""
(bolding mine)


Mariah Lopez, a transgendered woman of color, made a statement to AI regarding her experiences with the NYC police.

"My name is Mariah Lopez. I am a young, transgender person of color. I also am an activist who does street-based outreach in the West Village, where I also socialize.

Let me tell you how the police often respond to this.

With verbal abuse.

Sexual harassment.

Unwarranted arrests.

Withholding food, water and medication in detention.

Humiliating and inappropriate strip searches.

Physical assaults.

This is what I have endured at the hands of police and corrections officers - and not just once. What occurs is a systemic abuse of power, one that is seemingly inflicted on whim. For my friends and me, it seems that something as inconsequential as an officer's mood can dictate whether we spend time in jail.

I have been arrested a number of times in the West Village - including as recently as three months ago - always for solicitation, or loitering with intent to solicit. Most of the time I plead "guilty." When you're young, aren't told your full legal options, have no bail money and face abuse, what do you do? You plead "guilty," just to get everything over with as quickly as possible.

Sometimes that's not fast enough.

Here's an example. In April of last year, I was walking in the West Village with friends. Several undercover detectives approached us and told me to leave the vicinity immediately or I would be subject to arrest and prosecution. I refused to comply, as I had the right to be there. Less than two hours later I was arrested and charged with "loitering with the intent" of prostitution.

At the 6th precinct, I was verbally abused and forced to disclose my "real" gender, though my ID clearly states that I am female. I requested that officers refer to me with female pronouns, which is my legal right under the New York City Human Rights Law. They continued to abuse, harass and degrade me, referring to me as "it," "he/she" and calling me by male names rather than my own.

Later I was arraigned; I pled "guilty" and was sentenced to ten days (of which I served seven). Upon intake at Rikers Island, I was told that I couldn't get alternative housing based on my gender identity, which would have provided safety from other inmates (all of whom were male). I had to undergo an embarrassing and degrading strip search and was badgered about the size of my genitalia and for having breasts. Next a nurse examined me in an open, clinic-based setting with no regard for patient confidentiality, where she surmised out loud that I must be HIV positive or have AIDS.

I was placed in a cell for several hours with no food, water or access to a bathroom. I brought this to the attention of the corrections officer; in exchange, the officer assaulted me, leaving me with severe bruising and abrasions. His justification? Claiming that I was being disruptive, all because I demanded my basic rights.

I was then transferred into a dorm with other inmates, which led to a week of physical and emotional abuse, as well as sexual harassment, at the hands of inmates and corrections officers alike. The inmates ordered me not to use the open showers when they did; to avoid trouble and for privacy reasons I requested to shower early in the morning or late at night. Corrections officers denied this request. They also refused to intervene when the inmates repeatedly threw hard objects at me - even after an object slammed into my face while I was reporting the incident.

Finally a more responsible area captain took note of my bruises, and I was moved to alternative housing - just one day before my release, too late to offer relief from what I had been through. According to her, this housing had been available all along."

Now it is illegal for you to walk down the street-- if you are a trans*woman that is.
Because not only is prostitution proof that one is a criminal and a horrible person, but trans*women are obviously incapable of having or holding any other job.


Just the other night, two members of the Silvia Rivera Law project were arrested as others in the group were sprayed with pepper spray. Here is the live-blogging of Jack, of http://angrybrownbutch.com, “East village. Mostly queers, lots of trans folks, lots of people of color. Peaceful celebration of a right on organization. Police called. Violent arrests of two peaceful people. Mace in many people’s eyes and throats, including mine.. At the precinct now. More soon.”

Here is the press release from http://srlp.org.
ETA: They have been freed! All charges were dropped. Silvia Rivera Law Project has more.


To "Protect and Serve", huh? Maybe the Decepticons' motto from the new movie is more descriptive--"To Punish and Enslave."



In Newark NJ, a group of seven black lesbians were attacked by a straight black man. Who went to jail? Four of the Lesbians of course.
(Daisy, and Brownfemipower have done a great job already on writing and collecting links)
Isn't defending yourself from violence a human right? They don't even know if Johnson, the woman accused of stabbing Buckle, actually stabbed the guy as no forensics were done on her knife and there were two (still unidentified) men also involved (one of them could hae stabbed the guy). In fact, at first Buckle was saying that he was attacked by men, not women.
The women were tried by an all-white and all-female jury (it is not known what the sexual orientations or trans*/cis* identifications of the jury are, but I can make an educated guess that most of them, if not all of them, are straight and cissexed).

Aren't the intersections of race, gender identity/assigned-sex, and sexual orientation just fascinating?


Urbane areas, the North, NYC, etc. are not immune from bigotry. We have racists, misogynists, homophobes, transphobes, etc. galore here. Here at my NY uni there have been all sorts of anti-semitic graffiti in multiple bathrooms.
Every time you are silent when someone makes a bigoted remark; each friend or relative you don't call on their bigotry; every time you ignore a person as they starve in front of you—you are supporting bigotry. Almost everyone is guilty. We don't want to rock the boat; we don't want to lose a friend; we don't know if that person is going to just go and buy drugs or booze. Well, you can change the subject in ways that make it obvious you don't want to hear that sort of talk; you can call someone out and if they can't deal with it you can make new friends or spend less time with that relative; you can give out granola bars or scarfs.

But there is Hope; nothing is Static.

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Support

Okay, getting back and reading various posts about this whole transgender vs. HBS thing... I have a whole post about it that I'll write later (too hungry now--and I need to see some friends that have been out of town for months), but for now:

I do not support calling any trans*person a "man in a dress", questioning their gender, insults, etc.
I will warn and ban anyone that seriously calls someone by the wrong pronouns (even if they do something "cute" like sHe or fe[Male]).
I don't support making fun of someone's looks or ability to pass.
I don't support what Marti said regarding her "get technical" comment. If she meant something else I wish she would have clarified or qualified her statement (such as, society sees you, according to some medical definitions, etc).
I don't think that surgery makes or affirms anyone's gender unless they themselves see that that surgery affirms their own gender. So while perhaps your surgery affirms your manhood, do not say or imply that anyone who didn't get or doesn't want that surgery isn't affirming their gender (or isn't actually their gender).

I don't care if you're genderqueer or afflicted with HBS or however you define yourself. You will respect other people and will not make generalizations about groups.
If you think I've done any of the above point it out to me and I'll either explain myself further, apologize, or whatever depending on the situation. (I have a post regarding my HBS post in the works, fyi).

Here's how I identify and some of my views on gender/sex in case anyone is confused or curious:
My sex is transsexual male; I happen to think that my transsexuality is biologically based. My gender is man; I am not a transman, trannyboi,, etc.
My gender happens to fall withing the gender binary; this does not mean that I think everyone's does/should. I think the binary hurts many of us and that things would be better if there were more options and less strictly-defined roles. But I do not think that identifying within the binary is bad or harmful or somehow 'worse' than identifying outside the binary.
I use trans* as an umbrella term for transsexual, third gender, genderqueer, etc. folks. The only time I mean crossdressers is if they are also trans* or if crossdressing is their way of showing that they don't always identify as their assigned sex/gender (I'm not sure how to explain what I mean--I've seen bigender used to differentiate between crossdressers and people who crossdress to express another part of them, but I'm not sure if that's the accepted definition or how common/preferred bigender is).
ETA: Okay, I keep waffling on where I see crossdressers, so ignore what I say about whether or not I include crossdressers under the trans* umbrella--I just keep changing my mind. (Damn you Trinity for making me think! ^.~)

I don't think that all trans*folks are the same or have the same needs. But I also think that we need to band together despite our differences and despite a society that would make all of us disappear if it could (and it has tried to).

My sexual/romantic orientation is queer or gay. Gay for simplicities sake, queer if I want to be exact. Queer because I sometimes, though rarely, like women; queer because I may fall for someone who doesn't fall within the binary. Not queer because I happen to be transsexual; while I realize that much of society sees all trans* folks as queer, I don't think that being trans* (of any sort--transsexual or third gender) makes you queer unless that is a part of your personal definition/identify.
I am also somewhat feminine. Probably somewhere on the feminine/flaming side of androgynous/geeky to be exact. If I wasn't lazy and I could wear what I wanted and always pass I would wear glitter and eyeliner, but I'd continue to wear my dragon-print button downs (though I really want to do that anime thing where I wear a button down without another shirt on under it...). Yet I am still just as male, just as much of a man as my cissexual male friends that do the same. Hellfires, I have a few gay cismale friends who are even more flaming than I and they are still unquestionably male and men.


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So... Yesterday I was woken up by a call from my boyfriend saying that he was standing outside the door and could I please let him in.
He doesn't have classes until Monday.

I'll see y'all on Monday.
=^.^=

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Definitions and Explanations

So I was planning on doing this whole dictionary-style post because I don't always use the general definition for certain words and I use some words that aren't really all that common. But...I started that post and it was boring me to tears so I downloaded the free trial to WOW...

ETA: Here is a decent list of definitions for terms often used in progressive, liberal, etc. comms (like how racism=prejudice+power).

I think this will be more of a 'constantly edited as things come up' type of definitions post instead of one long post on every word in the world.
I'm hoping this will be helpful to some folk and maybe it'll give folks something to think about.
If you have any words you want me to add, any questions about my definitions, if you disagree with something, or whatever just comment!
(ETA: I grouped these into categories as neither alphabetical nor the original order would work very well. I also added a 'slur' section.)

Identities:

Trans* - An umbrella term for transgender, transsexual, transfemale, ftm-spectrum, etc. people.
I prefer to use the asterisk because there are so many possible variations on labels and identities. For instance, a person who identifies as a transman and a person who identifies as a trans man are not necessarily using the same identity. The trans man may see himself as a man who happens to have a trans* history; while the transman may identify as a transman and not just/only a man. But then again, they may not make this particular distinction or what they mean could be entirely different. Personally, I like Cedar's post on this.

Trans*ism - An umbrella term for all types of the things that make us trans*--transsexuality, transgender, bigender, genderqueer, etc.

Transsexual - Someone whose subconscious sex and assigned sex are not aligned.
While many people only include those who are post-surgery/hormones or at least those who desire surgery/hormones, I do not. Not all transsexuals have the same level of body dissonance or need the same things to cope with it.
Some people also think a person has to identify with a binary gender identity to be transsexual, I do not. So, I think it is possible to be both transsexual and genderqueer.

Genderqueer - An umbrella term for those whose gender identity falls outside or between the binary.
Also, an identity where the specifics are usually defined differently by each individual.
There are genderqueer people whose gender is Butch, genderqueer female, Androgyne, bigender, boi, etc (though not all who hold those identities also identify as genderqueer).

Transgender - I sort of have three different definitions here:
1)An umbrella term for all non-cissexual and/or gender variant and/or some crossdressing folks. 2) A political coalition of those groups.
3) An identity; the exact definition is generally unique to each person, but generally transgender folks don't define themselves as only men or women though they may define themselves mostly as men or women.

Cis* - Someone whose subconscious sex and assigned sex do not conflict; moreover, their basic gender (not gender roles, sexual/romantic orientation, etc) and the gender usually assigned to that sex also do not conflict. So someone who is assigned female/woman and identifies as female/woman is cissexual (gender/sex roles, masculinity/femininity, misogyny, sexual orientation, etc do not play any part in whether you are cis* or not).
"Identifies as" doesn't have to be active or conscious; in fact, with cis*folk it rarely is. So someone who defines themself as, "a female who rejects how females are expected to be and behave under patriarchy, and who loves her femaleness and that of other females" (for instance) is still cis*.

Cissexual - Someone who isn't transsexual.
Someone whose subconscious sex and assigned sex do not conflict. So someone who is assigned female and identifies as female is cissexual (gender/sex roles, masculinity/femininity, misogyny, sexual orientation, etc do not play any part in whether you are cissexual or not).

Cisgender - My definition of this is still in flux somewhat. Some people use this to mean anyone who isn't trans*; I think that is too simplistic. Other people use it to mean a binary gender identified person whose gender identity doesn't conflict with the gender people usually read them as (so a post-transition, man or woman identified transsexual could be cisgender as well as any cis* person); I'm not sure I like that definition.
So I'm currently defining cisgender as someone whose assigned gender doesn't conflict with their gender identity.

Note on intersection of these terms: I think it is quite possible to be cissexual and trans*; I'm specifically thinking of genderqueer people who feel no body dissonance, but I'm sure there are other possibilities. With how some people define it, some people can be both cisgender and trans*--as I noted under cisgender. And just how crossdressers' identities fit into them I do not know (I don't know much about crossdressing as an identity; I like wearing skirts every so often, but it has nothing to do with my gender or anything).

Intersex - "A general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male."
Some trans*folk consider one or more forms of trans*ism to be intersex conditions, but as this has not been proven, I do not consider trans*ism to be an intersex condition.
Some trans*folk are also intersexed and both groups sometimes share some experiences, but intersex folk generally face things that trans* folk generally don't--like finding out doctors surgically altered your infant genitals without even your parents' knowledge. See Eminism for more.


Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) - One theory as to why some people are transsexual. Basically, this proposal states that transsexual/HBS people are intersexed because there are physical differences in male and female brains and that transsexual/HBS folk's brains align with the sex that they identify with and not their assigned sex. There have been a few studies done, but they have been small sample sizes and some have been contradictory or inconclusive.
Unfortunately, the most vocal supporters of this theory tend to be heterosexist and cissexist as well as vehemently anti-genderqueer, anti-crossdressing, etc. (Although not all are, as I have come to realize). Though HBS as a theory shows some promise, it will have to gain better scientific backing and lose the hateful and exclusionary taint before many will support it (and as of right now, I do not believe that any recognized/credited scientific group supports or recognizes the proposal).


"Wom*n-born-wom*n" - A cis*woman.
Some feminists, most notably those of the Michigan Women's Music Festival, often use this phrase to exclude trans* women from women's spaces. Many trans* people find its use very offensive because of this.


Queer - An umbrella term for non-straight folks (though sometimes heterosexual folks into BDSM define themselves as queer). Moreover, it's an identity for those of us that don't feel comfortable with lesbian/bi/gay; as per the pattern here, this identity is also generally defined differently for each person.
Personally, I use it to mean that while I am mostly interested in other men, I like people that fall outside the binary, women every so often, and I tend to be 'geek-sexual'. I use queer to differentiate myself from "straight acting", assimilationist, HRC-type LGB people.

Terms:

Assigned sex - The sex you were assigned at birth (and generally raised as).

Biological sex - The sex you are biologically. As this depends on chromosomes, primary sex characteristics, hormone levels, neural-map (imo), and other characteristics, it can therefore be very difficult to say with any certainty.
I happen to define my biological sex as transsexual male, so it is best not to assume a person's bio sex.

Perceived sex/gender – What sex/gender others generally assume you are.

Subconscious sex - What physical sex you instinctively feel your body should be.

Gender identity - The gender you identify as. This may or may not have anything to do with masculinity/femininity or subconscious sex.

Gender expression – How you express gendered behaviour; generally how masculine/feminine you are. Although some folks include other labels, such as geek or butch or androgyne, under this heading. I happen to see my gender expression as "glam geek" or "geeky glam" (depending on how I feel right then).

Gender/sex roles – How society expects you to act and what it believes you must do based on your gender/sex.

Body dissonance – The inherent wrongness many trans* people feel when our body does not match our subconscious sex. What exactly it feels like is different for everyone—my experience is linked in the sidebar.

Transition - There are at least four different types.
Medical (any medical steps a person goes through), cosmetic (haircuts, new clothes, etc), social (coming out and living as your gender), and legal (changing documents and names).
I don't believe that any sort of transition is a requirement to identify as anything. A pre-everything trans*woman who is just coming out on an internet forum is just as much a woman as the deep stealth, post-everything HBS woman. The former woman just isn't yet recognized as a woman. Yeah, they both have different experiences--that doesn't change who they are inside; they are all women's experiences.

Harry Benjamin Standards of Care - The guidelines doctors and therapists have drawn up to treat trans*folk. There have been several variations over the years.
Old versions included physical appearance (thinly disguised "would the doctor fuck that or not?"), conforming to strict gender roles, being straight, being wealthy, etc.
In some medical journals, trans*folk who went public with their transition were described as “sociopathic” (according to Whipping Girl.
Here's the current version-now known as WPATH-SoC (thanks Jay).

Brain-sex theory (HBS is one specific brain-sex theory)– A theory of one possible cause of transsexuality where the hormone baths in the uterus cause the brain to develop a neural-map that does not match the physical attributes of the body.
A neural-map is the map your brain may or may not have (I personally doubt that this map is universal in detail and strength) of the major attributes.
Obviously, more studies need to be done before anything can be confirmed. It's also likely that different types of trans*ism have different causes.
Personally, I rather like this theory as it describes my experiences perfectly.

Misgendered - To be assumed to be the wrong gender. So when someone calls me by female pronouns, they are misgendering me.

Correctly gendered - When someone correctly sees your gender. So when someone includes me wit other men, they have correctly gendered me.

Ungendered - "An attempt to undo a trans person’s gender by privileging incongruities and discrepancies in their gendered appearance that would normally be overlooked or dismissed if they were presumed to be cissexual." This can be done either by considering us "really" a man or a woman or by third-gendering man/woman-identified trans* folk.

Ft*-spectrum (usually seen as ftm-) - All trans* people who were assigned female at birth. This is a very general term that includes men with a trans* history, bois, female-assigned genderqueers, etc.
Some people use trans*masculine, but I find that to be offensive to non-masculine trans* guys and masculine trans* women.

Mt*-spectrum (usually seen as mtf-) - All trans* people who were male-assigned at birth. This includes women with trans* histories, male-assigned genderqueers, transwomen, etc.
Some people use trans*feminine, but like I said above, I find that to be offensive and incorrect.

Passing - To pass as a cissexual person of your gender. So when I say I pass I mean that I pass as a cissexual man/boy. Many people are starting to talk about how this word is somewhat cis*-centric, see gendered/misgendered/ungendered.

Stealth - Living as your gender without telling folks you are trans*. There are a lot of different levels and subtypes; the most drastic being 'deep stealth'--what used to be required/recommended by the Standards of Care-- cutting off all contact with everyone who knew you by your assigned sex (even parents) and moving to a new city and a new job.
While I do wish it were safe for everyone to be out and I also wish we had more role models and people to educate the masses, I do not believe that being stealth is cowardly or wrong.

Nongendered pronouns - Pronouns for when you either don't know a person's gender (or are speaking generally) or if they don't identify as a man or a woman.

Privilege - I happen to think that there are two subtypes of privilege; external and internal. External is based on how others perceive and act towards you. Internal is how you perceive yourself and how you internalize the messages sent to you.
So External Privilege is getting accepted into college because your name sounds "American". Internal Privilege is believing that you are better or prettier than people with poor people or those with wider noses.
Cedar/Hazel has some thoughts on this too.

*anyprivilegedgroup*-centric - Focusing on the privileged group and ignoring/erasing any and all oppressed groups. For instance, talking about love and relationships as if everyone is straight is heterocentric.

Cissexist - Privileging or seeing cissexual experiences and cissexuals as better than anyone else. Heterosexism is the same, just replace cissexual with heterosexual.
Or, I'll just post Julia Serano's definition:
"The belief that transsexual genders are less legitimate than, and mere imitations of, cissexual genders.

Cissexism is most typically enacted through one or more of the following processes: trans-fascimilation (viewing or portraying transsexuals as merely imitating, emulating or impersonating cissexual female or male genders), trans-exclusion (refusing to acknowledge and respect a transsexual’s identified gender, or denying them, access to spaces, organizations, or events designated for that gender), trans-objectification (when people reduce trans people to their body parts, the medical procedures they’ve undertaken, or get hung up on, disturbed by, or obsessed over supposed discrepancies that exist between a transsexual’s physical sex and identified gender), trans-mystification (when people use the relative infrequency or taboo nature of transsexuality to mystify, artificialize or to “other” transsexuals), and trans-interrogation (when people bring a transsexual’s identified gender into question by asking them to answer personal questions about their life story, their motives for transitioning, medical procedures they have undertaken, or when they obsess over what causes transsexuality - such questions reduce transsexuals to the status of objects of inquiry)."

Slurs:

(Some are reclaimed, some are not, and some are in the process of being reclaimed; it's best not to use these terms negatively or at all if you are not a member of that group)

Dyke – From what I can tell as an outsider, this seems to be mostly reclaimed and has a lot of positive and/or neutral meanings and is even many folks' identity. Its usually used as an identity for queer women/females (but some ftm-spectrum folks also use it).

Fag/got – Originally meant firewood, they also mean gay men. Many queer men have reclaimed them, such as myself, others see them as a slur.

Hermaphrodite – While there is some mythological history, this term was also used for intersex folks. Most intersex folk see it as a slur and a few others have reclaimed it.

Shemale – Usually used in porn for a “chick with a dick”; someone who is portrayed as a pre- or non-operative trans*woman though the actress may actually be a cis*woman with a prosthetic/strap-on.
Very few trans*women that I know have reclaimed this term.

Tranny – Somewhat reclaimed, though many trans*folk, like me, raise their hackles when cis*folk use it. It was also used primarily for trans* women, so it is incorrect for trans* guys to attempt to reclaim it (something I was guilty of).

Tranny-chaser – Someone who fetishizes and/or objectifies trans*folk. Originally, it meant cis*men who used trans*women as a way to satisfy their needs/urges for anal and/or queer sex. Now, most folks who use it realize that trans*men can be the focus of tranny-chasers and that cis*women can be tranny-chasers.
Some tranny-chasers are abusive, some will try to control the transitions of the trans*folk close to them, others are just privileged.
"Tranny-chaser" is not reclaimable as it is not referring to a marginalized group, but to a oppressive group who prey on a marginalized group; just as misogynist and killer are not reclaimable.

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HBS bigots

I hate the smug, self-satisfying, classist, racist, sexist, heterosexist "Harry Benjamin Syndrome" transgender folk. (ETA: I'm sure there must be some HBS folk who aren't cissexist, sexist, etc, but every person I have ever come into contact with who identified as HBS, including the person I'm ranting about here, has said a great many bigoted things towards transgender, genderqueer, queer, etc. folk)
HBS is their term for trans*ism and they constantly use it to demean trans*folk who don't fit into their standards. Their standards? Straight, white, rich, gender-role conforming, post-surgery, deep stealth trans*women.

Every single time I have ever seen HBS used as an identity, that person has been incredibly homophobic and hateful towards other trans*people. people who otherwise might choose to identify as HBS, such as myself, choose not to be associated with such bigotry and stupidity.

I was just going to quote parts of this comment, but there was so much wrong that I can't choose (the non-italized is her quoting me).



"Mainstream society already saw us as freaks and fags and dykes way before he first trans* activists joined with the first queer activists–we were all perverts together you know.

Well, if your queer to begin with then your not likely to have been considered anything else. As a heterosexual I never felt that from mainstream. In fact, I was helped along by mainstream in all phases of my transition including employment. That would not happen today though since in recent years we are all considered queer. That is a direct result of the inclusion of us all in the transgender umbrella under the flag of the GLBT.

“Though I do hope that they focus on the laws that will help the poorest of us first–employment and housing would be nice”

Now why on earth should you want the United States or any other country for that matter to treat you any different than anyone else? Gays are employed and live everywhere across this nation. In fact some of the richest men and women on the planet are gay and lesbian. Seems like they didn’t need a special law to help them be who they are. Why do the transgendered need this when there are plenty of non-trans folk that cant get the same thing. You don’t see them out lobbying congress for the right to work and the right to have a home. Why are the gender queers so special? If you cant make it in society because you made the decision to transition knowing full well the consequences you faced, why should the rest of society make a special allotment for you to make up for your short fallings?

Transsexuals have been transitioning and having surgery for the past 60 years. The vast majority of them have transitioned and moved quietly into society without any help from anyone. They took the risks and lived with the consequences and when the going got tough they overcame. If someone decides to try to transition with no money or a low paying job or simply because they will have to commit suicide if they don’t transition, then they have to face the consequence of that. If they are so “female inside” yet they have little chance of even remotely assimilating as a woman yet they still decide to transition, why should employers be forced to hire them? If a person goes for a job anywhere they normally try to look their best for an interview. They don’t simply assume that an employer is going to overlook their appearance. Why should it be any different for transgenders that look hideous in their chosen gender mode? Hell, even gay owned businesses will not hire obvious trannys. Employment discrimination is not exclusive to mainstream.

The problem here is that the transgenders seem to feel that they are the victims. Instead of getting their act together they hang out on the internet and feel empowered by their “union”. Instead of looking at the way the real world works they yell and scream that they are being singled out. Its a victim mentality instead of a help yourself mentality. Those of us that have been successful at transition have either gotten their act together before jumping into the fire or had enough resources, smarts and inner fortitude to see it through transition. We knew it was financial suicide to embark on a journey with no way of reaching the goal.

Please, don’t tell me about those that “Have to transition or commit suicide” Its pure drama. If someone is suicidal about transition they have more problems than gender dysphoria. They need to sort those problems out first. Transition is not going to help them.

Transition is tough. It SHOULD be tough. It is the fire that will burn the fakers and temper the needy. It should make you stronger and make you whole and make you self reliant. If it doesn’t then you did something wrong.
"

Bigots like her make me want to hit someone. They are so blind to their own privilege and instead of focusing on those that actually hurt them, they choose to attack those in similar positions--people who should be their allies!

x-posted to tranny_rage and queer_rage.

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Watch Your Language You #%@&!

I wrote this back in Sap-timber, yet it is still just as relevant.
Calling us transgenders, disordered, retarded, morons, hysterical, freak shows, etc; calling trans*folk you disagree with trannies, men in dresses, pseudo-intellectuals, gay men (or women or lesbians if the trans*person is a guy), perpetuating stereotypes, "Tranny [Lastname]", hoping their transition goes horribly, speculating that their transition went horribly, etc.

Comparing the spending of time and money on bathrooms to supporting NAMBLA is so fucking wrong I have no words.
Telling us we aren't important and our struggles shouldn't make the news... yeah, getting murdered and arrested for using the bathroom totally isn't important. Fighting for our rights is always important and it should always be supported.
Not wanting to listen to bigoted speech is not silencing debate. When we tell off people for their obvious cissexism, like telling us to get to the back of the line or calling us freaks, it doesn't mean we can't take criticism or can't see other peoples' sides. It means that we won't take bigotry laying down and we won't accept hate.
By the way, I'm reposting this rant mostly because of the comments on several trans*-related articles on Queerty, a GLBT website. That's right, trans* people, queer people, and our allies were the ones saying this. Someone called Theresa Sparks "Tranny Sparks" because she returned her award to the HRC (btw Sparks, go girl!). A gay man called a trans*guy hysterical, the article about him struggling to use the men's room contrived, compared spending money on us to spending money on NAMBLA, as well as a host of other things. The actual article on the youtube video of a trans*woman getting trash thrown at her said, " A reader sent us this irksome, yet entertaining video of some British boys harassing an obviously delirious tranny, with this note attached..." Then some of the commenters went on to say she deserved to get attacked because of how she acted and how dare she go out in such a short skirt?! Several trans*women got into an argument on an article about Susan Stanton. A few Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) women were calling my friend, because she doesn't want surgery and sometimes identifies as a shemale, a man and refusing to see her as a women; comparing her calling herself a woman to calling herself a turnip. My friend, retaliated by attacking one of the trans* woman's appearance.
Cissexism, transphobia, sexism, etc. are alive and well even among those who claim they are our allies; even among ourselves. This, I think, is what disheartens me the most. How divided we are. How quickly we judge. How ignorant of others' experiences and feelings. How hateful we can be.
I know I'm guilty too, we all are.

******
Can we stop using trans*, trans, transgender, gay, etc. as nouns?
You say blah blah blah a trans*person--not blah blah blah a trans*.
I am not a gay--I am a gay (or queer) person.
I am not a transgender--I am a transgender (or transgendered or trans*) person.

When talking about including or excluding trans*folk, can you, especially if you are yourself trans*(!!!), refer to cis* folk as just that--cissexed, cisgender, or cis*folk! If you don't like, don't know, or know that it would cause waaay more drama to do so, then at least call cis*folk "non-trans* folk".
When you talk about trans*women and women as two separate groups you reinforce the idea that trans*women aren't women (and you are a trans*woman!).

"Trans*folk/women are to cis*women as white folk are to black folk" fails as an analogy; find one that actually makes sense.

I have asked this before. What is the one experience or set of experiences that every cis*woman [everywhere of all backgrounds, races, class, nationalities, etc.] has had that no male-assigned person [anywhere of any class, race, nationality, etc.] has ever experienced?
What is this all-encompassing female experience?

PS: You automatically fail at life (-42 points) if you mention or talk about, in all seriousness, "Trans* Politics", "Trans* Agenda", "Trans* Lobby" or anything similar.

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Articles and links

Becoming a Black Man is a very interesting article. I found it to be a nice introduction to some of the issues trans* people of color face. From what I've already read, and can infer based on what I do know of racism, I agree completely when the article states, "Left largely unexamined, however, has been the issue of racism and how trans men and women experience it. Trans people of color are finding that they have an extremely different relationship to gender transition than white people."

Queer Africa is another great article from the same site.
I've been to Color Lines before, but this'll be the time I remember to bookmark it. ^.^;;

I haven't researched enough on the REAL ID act yet; it's too scary and depressing.
But this looks scary for anyone; residents of states that are against the act or that aren't moving fast enough may be given extra trouble when they board planes. I think the REAL ID act is a trans* issue, a states' rights issue, an immigration rights issue, a privacy issue, a POC issue, a security issue, etc.
White, cissexual, US residents are just lucky that at least they decided not to go through with having employers fire those whose social security info has irregularities; such as you using your married name instead of your maiden without officially changing it on your SSC.

Real Nightmare is a site against the act and here is the Homeland Security page on it. Oh yeah, here is a pdf summarizing the act.

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"When your heart steals parts that make you feel real"

I happen to have Julia Serano's livejournal friended, and her last entry included a link to the youtube excerpts from several performances in The National Queer Arts Festival's TransForming Community project.

Here are some of my favorite parts of the videos I've watched so far:

"I think it's problematic to occupy male space in the world but to refuse to recognize that that is indeed the space one occupies, and to proceed to shirk the responsibilities that come with that space." --Prado Gomez on trans*men who live and are seen as male, yet refuse to identify as such only when it is inconvenient (not unsafe; inconvenient) for them.
I see this come up in the ftm community on LJ every so often. Usually, someone will make a post that mentions that they go to a women's college--or any other women's space really--and arguments will break out as to whether or not ftm-spectrum people belong in women's space. Personally, I think it is up to each individual and to the specific space sie is entering to figure out if sie belongs. But, I think that if you identify as, and/or are largely seen as a male/man, then you do not belong in a space for women.
I know that there are ftm-spectrum folks out there that do not identify as men, but for those of us that do...it is disrespectful for us to enter woman-only space and it is disrespectful to invite us there.

"They will let him in only if you all agree that this marks him--his former girlness--the thing he hates. Some will approve of your boyfriend's maleness because he passes and he will be the exception when they say ignorant things about other transpeople. Some will tell you about how they like transmen, but they just don't like transwomen--because they're still male. But doesn't that make your boyfriend still female? Well exactly, thats why he's okay, that's why he's in." --Michelle Tea's summary of what often happens within a group of dyke/lesbian/queer friends when one woman starts dating a trans*man.
I'm mostly interested in guys and I've never dated a girl. But this one of the reasons why I won't date a lesbian or go into spaces where guys aren't allowed/welcome. Yes, I am marked by being misgendered most of my life. This does not mean that I am a girl and it doesn't make me any less male. I won't date straight guys either.

"Last week, a woman I thought was my friend decided to teach me, unsolicited I might add, why ftms were welcome in women's space but not mtfs. Because men who used to be women well, they were women and so many women have experienced sexual assault (so have I however...). And we don't want your male energy in our space. What she was really saying was that they didn't your naked body in women's space..." --Shawna Virago on women, trans*women, being kept out of women's spaces.
Trans*women are women; trans*men are men.
Women should be welcomed into women's spaces.
Need I be any clearer on my thoughts?

"I am a straight man. There's nothing wrong with being a straight man. I'm still queer, but now I'm a queer straight man. And just because this is where I have finally felt at home in my body--does not mean that I think all gender bending people need to take hormones or have surgery. So I am confused when differently-gendered people feel the need to share their disgust with surgery or the medical industry with me. I don't like doctors, I'm terrified of needles, and I would rank surgery as one of my least favorite things to do." --Rocco Kayiatos (Katastrophe) on his feelings when some gender variant folks decide to berate him for not being 'queer enough' in their eyes.

"It seems, that one of the biggest challenges with this burgeoning community is the lack of language and deep understanding. There is a trans umbrella term that houses everyone from drag queens to transsexuals. This becomes dangerous, because then well-intentioned but underinformed people make assumptions about an entire community after only knowing one person." --Katastrophe again.
I have to say, I am not generally all that interested in rap, but his songs speak to me. I was so very upset when I realized that the couple of songs I bought off itunes were nontransferable to my new computer and I have been completely unable to find any of his songs on limewire or any of his CDs at stores, though I have searched multiple times. (the title of this post is from Bad, Bad Feelings, by the way)

And his words speak to me here as well:
"I only hope that someday all my friends will understand why they have to sacrifice their own desire to have their band play at Michigan or to hot tub in Osento in order to respect, love me and other transsexuals."

Julia Seranno is of course brilliant, but here are a few of my most favorite bits:
"Well, I'm sorry. But anyone who considers transmen to be women and transwomen to be men is not an ally of the transgender community."

"Sometimes you see things more clearly when you have been made to feel as though you are on the outside looking in."

"And my dyke community needs to realize that the anger they feel when straight people try to dismiss the legitimacy of their relationships is the same kind of anger I feel when they try to dismiss my femaleness."

"And when I call myself trans, it doesn't necessarily signify that I 'transgress the gender binary', but that I straddle two identities--woman and transsexual--that most people insist are in opposition to each other."

"Yes, I do know what those women have been through. I have had men force themselves on me. like you, we trans*women are physically violated and abused for being women too."

I loved Whipping Girl. I took notes in the margins and I intend to reread it after my mind finishes incorporating the knowledge and perspective I gained throughout the first read though.

"I'm proud to be trans*, but I really don't want to have to organize a candle light vigil every night to have my identity respected." --Ryka Aoki de la Cruz on GLB folks and trans*folks.

Of course there are other videos I liked, but these were the excerpts that I found speak to me the most.

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Utopia

Or Utopia?

I see a lot of talk, from everyone from feminists to Christians to queer folk, about revolutions and utopias.
But do we really want a utopia?
And do you know how your utopia will be built or how it will be run?

I say no.

There is no universal utopia; everyone's version will be different. Even things that seem simple are actually quite complicated. You say your utopia will have no crime? Well, define crime. Okay, so crime means stealing and assault. Okay, define stealing and define assault. Stealing means taking what doesn't belong to you? Well, those seeds belong to the plant, not you; so you can't eat. Assault is purposefully causing someone's pain? So, BDSM, disciplining your child, and re-setting bones are all out.
There is no one truth; everyone's truth is different. So, which truth gets to make it into the utopia and what happens to those whose truths don't agree with yours?

How many utopias have been made?
How many attempts have there been in human history?

I don't know, but there have been quite a few attempted utopias in fiction.
*Ursula K. Le Guin's The Dispossessed has a moon that was a communist/socialist attempt at utopia; artists, the depressed, and anyone who forms close ties with others are hurt by that society. Artists are often shunned for their work, those who become apathetic or anti-social for any reason, including depression, are shunned when they do not 'pull their weight', and you aren't supposed to try to own anyone's affections—not even a mate or a child.
*I don't remember the book's title or author it's been so long, but I once read a book where the utopia worked. Mind you, they had to genetically engineer humans to have less passionate emotions and less ambition for it to work—and if there were any throw-backs they had to be driven out lest their passions destroy the society.
*There was a movie on late one night where a virus had killed all the men, except for a few who were cryogenicaly frozen, and the all-female world was a utopia. Every so often a man would wake up and he would cause trouble and would be killed. But even when it was just the women the utopia was failing—there was still backstabbing and the weather was just as unpredictable as ever (which caused food shortages that caused more backstabbing).
*There is even a paradise mentioned in Saiyuki; but all that means is that humans and yokai (demons/monsters without many western negative connotations) were able to live together without going to war; it wasn't a true utopia, there was crime and pain and death.
*Of course you have the classics, such as Brave New World, 1984, or Fahrenheit 451.

Now, many will say that fantasy stories don't prove that a utopia is nothing more than a dream, but I think fantasy and sci fi are a way of exploring possibilities.
Authors are able to write out all sorts of possible scenarios, if you're a theorist trying to plan out your utopia you should read the scenarios and plan accordingly. After all, fiction authors have already done some of your brainstorming work for you.

Humans are animals; humans have passions and instincts and a high drive for survival.
If for whatever reason, weather or disease or even a God's displeasure, food production goes down, what will your paradise do? Will you engineer or breed out the survival instincts so there will never be a war?
What will your utopia of no violence do against a sociopath? How can people raised to abhor violence kill or even subdue someone?
If your society is against hierarchies, how will you keep them from developing them in the future? Will it be like in The Dispossessed where jobs are rotated and everyone gets their clothes and food from he same depots?
If your utopia is based on one or more Gods, how will you keep the faith? Will you execute heretics, or just re-educate them while you wait for your God(s) to show up?

Perhaps most important, how will you achieve your dreams?
Will you wait for the Gods to come down from on high (or from down low) to show everyone the Truth? Will there be a violent uprising of the working classes? Must aliens destroy civilization, allowing for the survivors to build anew?

If you are basing your beliefs and actions off of some future paradise, you should at least have some idea of what it is and how it will come about.

Or are you going to be like the Operative in Serenity—someone who believes hard and never questions while he carries out the duties he knows are wrong, but he is told they will help build paradise?


ETA:
This post generated some great discussion between a friend and I; so I'll copy some of my favorite bits here too.
"not that we shouldn't work to make the world a better place but when someone's only interested in working toward this end goal of utopia and isn't interested in all the stuff along the way it seems kind of meaningless."--SomethingElse
"I think it's a form of internalized transphobia/cissexism when medically transitioning trans*folk give no-ho/op trans*folk shit. I remember one discussion I had with a bunch of feminists about MWMF where a trans*woman said she was fine with being excluded if it meant "manly, aggressive" no-ho trans*women were also excluded."--Me
"i think [a real, workable solution] would involve a huge shift in values but it seems like it would be much more of a "utopia" in my opinion and is a whole lot less interesing than some sci-fi version of utopia but also has a lot more value for different people's needs and wants and stuff. like i don't think its about making everyone happy, i think its about ballancing out power so that everyone has some power over their own life and also about, you know, making things consentual and stuff. like i feel like a lot of stuff that i've learned from bdsm kind of stuff, like a lot of the values that happen there are ones that i feel like the world would be a much better place if everyone had those values for everything in their life"--SomethingElse

I realize that a "perfect" world/life has a lot of attraction for people (duh), but I fail to see how people can take the idea of utopias seriously. I know that many times when people say utopia or revolution they are not being literal and/or serious, but I know that some folks are and I just can't believe that they are that naive.

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A bit about me being transsexual and how I experience this...

I'm a transsexual guy--and before anyone starts on about upholding gender binaries or butch lesbians or whatnot--I am somewhere on the feminine side of androgynous or geeky.
I am, in fact, definitely more of a flaming faggot than I am, or ever was, a butch dyke.
Sometimes I like to call myself a geeky, flaming fag.
When I tell my friends some folks' theories about how trans*guys are really butch lesbians...well lets just say that I have learned to make sure this is in a place and time where excess laughter is not going to cause us any trouble (for instance, never again will I tell a friend this while she is driving; never again).



I'm not transsexual because I think it's cool or because I want attention.
Being transsexual has caused, and is still causing, a lot of pain for me and I am still trying to be able to consistently take pride in being transsexual.
And while, like most people, I do rather like attention--this is definitely not the way I go about gaining it.
I also don't think that I am delusional or crazy. because I'm trans*, nor that I am trans* because I'm crazy (and I resent the ableist crap that calling people crazy represents).
But anyways, here is a post I wrote a few weeks prior regarding how I experience transsexuality; what being transsexual means to me.

The other day Emily posted on what being trans* means for her.
And I can see some similarities between our meanings, like I experience the body dissociation as well and, just like with her, the intensity rises and falls. Given that everyone experiences things differently and I think there are different types of trans*ism, there are differences between our accounts as well (though reading her post, I see nothing there that is 'wrong' for me, only a few experiences that I haven't had and/or are more specific to trans*women).

For me, being transsexual is that there is a constant wrongness to everything and that it generally becomes worse when I am am made aware of my body and voice. There is a constant slice of despair in my life that has been present for as long as I can remember and it has never gone completely away. I can ignore it for awhile and it isn't always completely noticeable, but it's my ever-present companion.
This isn't to say that I have always despaired or that I hate being transsexual. No, I can often ignore the wrongness (especially if I'm around people who see me as a guy and if I'm not made aware of certain parts of my body) and I think I have experienced and seen valuable things in ways I never would have if I was cissexual. And what I mean by “made aware of” is that while I am always aware of my body and how it's shaped I'm not always aware of it; I know it's there but I don't really pay attention to both my body and my gender dissonance.
I'm currently reading Whipping Girl and her description of body dissonance fits me well. “This gender dissonance can manifest itself itself in a number of ways. Sometimes it felt like stress or anxiousness, which led to marathon battles with insomnia. Other times, it surfaced as jealousy or anger at other people who seemed to enjoy taking their gender for granted. But mostly of all, it felt like sadness to me—a sort of gender sadness—a chronic and persistent grief over the fact that I felt so wrong in my body.” (85)
I feel the same way, even the insomnia (the other night I didn't even bother going to bed as I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep).

And that's just the physical aspect.

The social dissonance—the dissonance of not being viewed as what/who you see yourself—is rather like a mixture of confusion (how can they not see that I am a man?), annoyance (gah, stop bothering me about this and just respect my truth!), and shame/guilt (what am I doing/not doing to make them see me as something I'm not?).
I see myself one way and yet society treats me as though I were another way.
ETA: I've been thinking about this some more and another thing that happens when someone misgenders me is that I am suddenly thrust back into awareness of how wrong my body is. I'll be fine and then, suddenly, BAM! "Missy" and with that comes the shame and the anger and the confusion and I am reminded that my body doesn't fit.

It's like this story I heard once where, to give the kids a lesson about seeing things from others' points of view, a teacher put an item on a desk and one side was black and the other was white. The two kids who volunteered to debate the color of the item each saw a completely different color and they had to switch places before they could agree.

I see myself as male and, while I know that I have a vagina and other assigned-female parts, I have a hard time seeing how those somehow make me a female/woman. The people who insist that I am a woman see only that I have female-assigned parts and that I have been raised by people who saw me as a girl and they can't see how I can argue with this. The people who read me as female-assigned get confused because they see someone who has mostly female-assigned secondary sex characteristics (and they assume primary as well); since most people are taught that primary+secondary sex characteristics=sex and gender they therefore think I am a girl/woman. Based off of their logic and their point of view, I realize that they aren't wrong. But based off of my logic and my point of view, I know that I am right as well.
And since we are talking about me, I think that my truth is more important than an external truth.

I guess some of this comes down to whether you believe in absolute truth or not. While I don't believe there is an absolute truth of everything, I am not sure if there are no absolute truths; just as I am not sure if I believe in free will or if I'm a Determinist or some form of mix or something else entirely. Truth be told, I don't usually care as the answer will not directly affect me or my actions (though I do ponder Big Questions like these, I simply don't see the answer itself as all that important).

Before I get too off topic, more on my experience as a transsexual...
I don't really identify as trans* or transsexual—at least, my gender identity and my subconscious sex are male/man. I identify as transsexual/trans* because that is how others see and classify me. It is an identity forged through a life lived with a certain medical condition and how I have been mistaken for and had to pretend to be something and someone I was not.
And yet...I'm not planning on going stealth; I out myself fairly often and I have little problem doing so. I suppose this might change when I eventually medically and legally transition and begin to pass more as a cissexual guy, but I pass fairly well among the geeks I often hang out with. It isn't unheard of, or in some circles all that uncommon, for geeks, nerds, and other social outcasts to fail at being the stereotypical man. Despite my feminine facial features, lack of stature, and high voice, I often pass among those of the Gamers club and any guest brought to it's meetings or events.
Yet even though I pass well I still out myself with little hesitation.

In my utopia, people could choose to treat their trans*ism the same way I treat mine, but without ever having to worry because someone chooses to disrespect their truth. They could casually mention how they lived in an all-female-assigned dormitory, how much they hate going to the gynecologist, or how itchy bras are and it would be like someone with bad knees mentioning that they have to remember to bring their cane with them because the weather is getting icky (and that tends to trigger some people's, such as my boyfriend's, joint problems). They'll get a couple questions (why were you in the girls' dorm?) and then people will move on because it really isn't that exciting; the hacked copy of Guitar Hero 3 that got out before the game was released is a much more interesting topic to the group.

I keep focusing more on how transsexuality affects me externally and not what it feels like and means internally.
I think it's because I've never felt like my body and my mind weren't constantly disagreeing with what should and shouldn't be there. How can I describe something if I can't tell where it begins, where it ends, and where other things are?

I have felt a “phantom penis” before, both before and after I stopped denying that I'm a guy. I remember, sometime before I was four (as I know it was before my sister was born and she was born just after my fourth birthday), that while I was in the bath I'd pretend I had a penis. I remember all those times being confused when I reach to scratch or adjust something that isn't there. I also get confused sometimes when I am reminded that my chest isn't flat. I'll be doing something, like carrying a box, and I'll wonder why, just for an instant before I remember, the box doesn't sit against my chest like it should.

I'm getting better at coping with the dissonance though... “I am a guy, my body is me/mine, and therefore my body is that of a guy” helps me a lot. Other people, like my friends and my boyfriend, seeing me as a guy and yet knowing about and even seeing or touching the parts of me that are pretty much universally assigned-female also helps a great deal.

I do not feel as though I am ”trapped in a woman's body” or “born in the wrong body” though. This is my body. everything but sex-specific differences (I mean things like genitals and voice; not generalities like height or gender expression) feels alright. I do feel a connection to my body and I doubt I'm a walk-in or any other form of “this body doesn't belong to me”. I feel as though my body simply did not develop into the right shape.
Like I'm a rhombus that's been molded to almost be a square and so I no longer fit through either the square or rhombus holes of life. ...And that is an horridamusing analogy I hope no one ever remembers that I made it.

There I went again, talking about other people and how that shapes my meanings and truths; and after-all, shouldn't I learn to love myself without basing my worth or that love on what other people think of me? Yet most of our experiences are shaped and formed by our interactions with others.
Moreover, when you are told constantly that you are crazy, you are a girl because you have xyz parts, that you will never be seen as a guy it most definitely helps to have the voices of others to counteract those lies that you may have started to believe about yourself.

I think the core of my transsexuality/trans*ism, though it doesn't sound as philosophical or as Emily's meaning for trans*ism, is that of a medical condition that sets me against what many people say about myself and my truths. Because of this I've developed an identity around it, but for me being transsexual is that my body and my mind don't match up.
I feel though that this was a lot of words and a lot of rambling tangents to say something so simple...I almost want to come up with something different, something for profound or political, yet I know that my being transsexual is simply this.

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The last of my old q_r rants

I am tired of radical feminists who try to defend the pure hatred towards trans*people that is shown by either themselves and/or by their peers.

We trans*people do not "actively seek to ultimately destroy feminism from within". Our theories and activism are not "a woman-hating one, and its ultimate goal is the continuing subordination of women."
We are not a monolith out to get women, feminists, or even radical feminists.
Trans*women are not men; Trans*men are not women. If you can't accept this you are a bigot. Full stop. End of story.
I'm sorry if your hate has poisoned you enough that you believe that, "men-in-drag, ‘gentle’ men, liberal men have always seduced women in large numbers, because they lie, and pretend they are on our side, they pretend they are ‘one of us’, but they are not. They lie."
I'm not sorry to say this: you are wrong.
Trans*women are women; they are not deceiving or lying to you.

Your theories, as you have explained them, do not fit me, my life, or the lives and identities of many trans*people.
This is not our gorram fault.
If our existence breaks your dogma, you need to look more closely and/or change your theories.
DO NOT try to come up with some stupid conspiracy about how we are out to get you and your little dog.

Your theories do not work for me.
It doesn't matter if I look at the place in your theories for men, women, trans*men, or trans*women.
I do not fit.
My friends do not fit; trans*, cis*, or other.
Your theories, at least as you and yours explain them, must therefore be in need of change.
This isn't bad, theories are always in need of change.
We are not Gods, we are not all-knowing.
If your theory was perfect it would be a law.

Telling you this is not anti-feminist, it is not anti-women.
We do not support the patriarchy by being ourselves or by showing you where you are wrong.
Some of what you say to describe us is exactly the same as what the religious right says about us.
Pointing this out, even in comic format, is not anti-feminst.
No matter what you say, critiquing an ideology is not the same as critiquing an identity.

Mujihina [Heart], you have had over fifty years of white, heterosexual, and cis* privilege.
The only one of those I have is white privilege and, unlike you, I at least try to unpack it when I can.
You are not the only victim in the world.
You are not every woman.
Get over yourself.

Another thing:
I am a man who was assigned female at birth.
Not a women, female-born person, butch, female, lesbian, or "a trans".
I am a man, guy, dude, male, or a trans*man.
I was never a woman, girl, or female.
Other people thought I was and, for a while, they convinced me too.
But that doesn't mean I was or am female.
And I will not give up my rights or my identity so that YOU can be more comfortable.
Nor will I pretend to be something I am not to protect your dogma.


Obligatory disclaimer: Yes, I know not all feminists or radfems are the same. I am talking about a specific group of radfems that include published authors such as Janice Raymond; not every radfem in existance.
Unfortunately, either a vocal minority or a large percentage of those who identify as radfems are transphobic/cissexist and people tend to associate transphobia with radical feminism.

By the way, everything in quotes is an actual quote; no paraphrasing or summarizing here.

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Internalized

"…Susan has said all along that she’s not like other transgender people. She feels uncomfortable even looking at some, “like I’m seeing a bunch of men in dresses.”"

"Two years ago, when Steve first told me he was going to make this change, I was angry," Donna says. "But now I don't feel anger. I feel like being a transsexual is a disability. And it's hard to be angry with someone because they're disabled."-Donna Stanton

"I was a good city manager. I know I was. I had high expectations and held people responsible for achieving results," Susan says. "I could've made it work. I'm not some drag queen in a pink miniskirt with 6-inch heels. And I'm not Aunt Bee."

"I've never been a man. What man would want to cut off his balls?" Susan asks. "And I wasn't born a woman, so I can never be a real one."

You know Susan, you may feel that you'll never be a real woman because you weren't born one or whatever, but I know I'm a real man. Just because folks thought I was a girl doesn't mean I'm not a man. Fuck you; I'm not surprised trans*folks boo you when you speak. You've internalized so much cissexism I'm surprised it isn't steaming out your ears.

And there's nothing wrong with drag queens, 6-inch heels, or pink miniskirts.

Not only is there passing-privilege, cissexism, and ableism, there is also classism and sexism! After all, who is it that is often portrayed as being the `slutty, hyper-feminine tranny'?
Sex workers and other 'low class' trans*women.
She isn't like those people, she is rich and therefor isn't going to be all tacky and shit. /sarcasm

This whole article feels like it was written jokingly as a companion to Whipping Girl; since Ms. Serano describes articles like this and the views shown perfectly. I'm thinking that I'll write a review of WG with this article as proof... But maybe not, I don't know.

Here, in LJ transgender, is a discussion on the article.
And here is the article I'm quoting.

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Here is me affirming my gender:

Around this time (I think) anti-trans* feminists were actually mentioning trans*guys; obviously, they knew/know about as much about trans*guys as they know about trans*women. I think I was also upset at the tranny-chasers who were posting on ftm and the guys who were defending objectifying/fetishizing trans*folk/trans*guys. While I do think there is a way to be attracted to gender variant, third gender, genderqueer, obviously trans* folks, etc. without being objectifying/fetishizing, most of the folks I've seen really have been icky about it (I am not the "best of both worlds", fyi).
And I don't view myself as female, biologically female, third gender, butch, etc.
I am a man/guy who was incorrectly assigned female at birth and was incorrectly seen and viewed as female growing up. I am still misgendered as female by others even now.
I do believe that my transsexuality has a biological basis (I think the brain-sex theory really fits me for instance) and that I am biologically male. I realize that I have body parts that are often assigned-female, but I generally don't see them as female (even though I still have disphoria, I still don't see my vagina/chest as being female). I am male, my parts/body is mine/me, therefore my body/parts are also male. That is how I see myself (though other trans*folk can see their bodies/arts any way they like and I will respect their identities/views; as we are all different and have different experiences etc).

Just because I am trans*, doesn't mean I am not a man.
I am a man.

Yes, my parents thought I was a girl until I told them differently, but I am still a man.
Yes socialization plays a part in who I am.
Socialization does not make up my whole being.

I am a man.

I do not hate women.
My cismale friends do not hate women; don't lie and say they do.

I am a man.

Do not tell me I am not a man and instead am some subset of woman/some third gender because I lack a penis OR because people thought I was a girl.

Just shut up; I don't care if your trans*/butch SO agrees with you and your politics.
He may not be a man, but I am not him.

I am a man.

The difference that exists between me and cismen is merely physical; something that can be changed if I so desire.

I do not lie when I say I am a man and always have been.
I am not denying the truth when I object to being placed in a third gender category or with women.

My dating/fucking options are not limited to people who objectify and fetishize what they think I am.
There are people out there who see me as the person I am.

I am a real man.

Yes, I am in a gender category.
Yes, there are people out there who are attracted to me.
My gender?
Male.

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Yay, more old posts few people ever read!

This is back when Rainsong/Renee was going as woman'sspace. Now I can recognize her style/arguments, but at the time I really didn't know much about her.

The blogs on blogspot give me so much awesome, and yet, so much bigotry
So, I've been reading a bunch of feminist blogs lately to procrastinate learn more about feminism, anti-racism theories, etc. I'm not reading the blogs of the bigots, but of course, I can't escape them. A new bigot appears on fetchmemyaxe.blogspot.com (who oddly enough, goes by womans'space. One of the other bigots blog is womensspace, who goes by Heart; though she says she isn't the same).

Ws'S: "I don't think that husbands and fathers who have said they are men, are women and I see them as annexing the lives of women. I feel this a grievous offense not unlike child molestation."
-Do I really need to say why this makes me upset? I mean, as a transguy I should be able to express outrage for this drivel.

Another blog, sexualambiguities.blogspot.com, the owner makes a post about the comments on FMMA. Womens'space shows up. (As does womensspace)

Ws'S: "I'm just not sympathetic to the trans movement or the trans identity. You all hurt and make invisible lot people that you aren't even aware of."
-O.O *goes back to throwing invisibility cloaks on people*

Heart: "I have said very explicitly that the trans movement is philosophically depraved. I acknowledge saying that. I have not stood in any kind of moral judgment of these people."
-We are at war with Eurasia. We have always been at war with Eurasia.

Ws'S: "As I said to an FTM on a feminist list once. 'You don’t care enough about women to be one, why are you here?'"
-WTF. Just because a guy doesn't identify as a woman, doesn't mean he doesn't care about "womens' issues" and/or equality.

Ws'S: "I said earlier masculinity is a disease and I assume that FTMs have want it and have caught [it]..."
-umm... Not all of [traditional, white, European] masculinity is bad. According to Wiki, masculinity can include practical, rational, trustworthy, leadership, objective, brave, etc.
Moreover, not all transguys follow societys' sex/gender roles. Most transpeople I've met make their own gender expression.
Being trans doesn't mean I want to be a guy, it means I am a guy.


To both Ws'S and Heart:
*A transwoman transitioning is nothing like blackface! STFUN00B!
*While some people may use 'passing' to mean "passing as a ____", I use it to mean "Passing as a cisguy."
*Not all transpeople follow gender/sex roles. Not all transpeople transition late in life. Not all transwomen were "husbands and fathers". Not all transpeople are white. not all transpeople were successful/rich before transitioning.

Please, ciswomen feminists. Stop speaking about things you know nothing about (trangenderism, transpeople, our definitions, etc.). Stop making judgments on these things you are ignorant about. Seriously, almost any page on transpeople says that gender identity != gender/sex roles.

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Another Q_R rant

Here is another rant, this one was about people defending cissexist/transphobic bloggers like Heart. At this time I had stopped identifyig as a feminist in part because of feminists like Luckynckle, Delpyne_, Witchy Woo, etc.
Even now I am unsure if I really want to claim that label.

And outside of spaces/events specifically about going through childhood female-assigned or anything regarding female-assigned anatomy and/or birth/menstruation, I still see no reason for excluding trans*women.
A lot of the comments are interesting too so if you want to read them...

I love the smell of bigotry in the morning...
How come, whenever a feminist is called on her (or his) transphobia, shitlodes of people rally to her defense? They say SHIT like: "you don't know her!", "that's a gross mischaracterization of this blogger!!!", "she isn't hateful!!111", "OMG, stop stereotyping feminists!1eleventyone", ETC.
I am so sorry, but supporting people when they call transwomen SCAMs*, Buffalo Bills, and saying that to be a woman is to suffer XYZ and no man has ever suffered like that, IS TRANSPHOBIC!
BTW, if you looked at her list, you would see that many men have suffered what she says only women have ever suffered. But wait, she is immune from racism due to her black husbands and children, so she can ignore all implications of race.

Maybe, think on this, we trannies have reasons for disliking feminists? I mean, if they scorn us and tell us the exact same things dominionsts and other bigots tell us...
Transwomen are forced out of womens spaces, transmen are labeled as failed butches/feminists.
I get fucking mad when I see feminists telling each other, and sometimes justifying transphobia with this, that the "trans community" tends to be anti-feminist. There is nothing anti-feminist about being trans. Many of the trans-communities that I have seen include a lot of people who have been burned by feminists and hold an aversion similar to some people's distrust of christians.

I don't identify as a feminist anymore, in part, because of shit like this.

Honestly, STFU about us. People get pissed off when white feminists analyze race without POC there, yet I rarely see them say a word when cisgendered feminists go after transpeople.

If you want to say gender is a social construct and it will go away with the patriarchy, say it, I will laugh at you.
Yes, gender as the man/woman only thing many parts of the world has going on is a social construct, but there have always been some concept of gender. I know that gender is as real as biological sex, because I fucking experience it. I don't experience it because of some trauma or misogynistic viewpoints. And I definitely won't not experience it if you made everyone gender-neutral.
STFU and plzz DIAF.

*Surgically/Chemically Altered Males.

PS: I still don't see any reason for woman-born-woman only space. There is no common experience ALL women have that NO man has experienced.
Not all women menstruate or have kids. Not all men are immune to bigotry.

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One of my many rants in Q_R:

This was written about this guy who I used to consider a friend. We hung out a lot and at first I thought he was just ignorant and the type of creepy jerk that a lot of geeks are (you know, a person who acts like a asshole/creep but still a cool guy and a good person), but eventually I realized that he was just an asshole creep (he later tried to molest my friend while she was drunk. He then went around telling everyone that they had a one-night-stand and even now says she came on to him first). He outed me to practically everyone in the first few weeks of our freshman year; I had people whose name I didn't even know come up to me and ask me about hormones and if I had surgery yet (luckily everyone is pretty cool, but I was terrified when I first found out that practically everyone already knew).
He also went around telling folks I was just trying to get attention and he would then 'correct' people's pronouns.

Shut the fuck up
The men's room is not a "penis-only" room.
I sort of wish I could care that my going into the men's room makes you uncomfortable, but I guess I don't posses that gene. Since I do not wish to see you penis you do not need to worry about me walking to the other side of the bathroom and staring at you as you piss.

My genitals and/or hormone level does not change my gender. I am a guy, not a girl. I happened to missplace my penis and my voice never dropped. Those small details do not mean you can fuck my pronouns up all the time, tell everyone I'm not really a guy, or tell me that the reason I wasn't turned on by snuff porn is because "I'm still a girl".

To expand upon the above:
Your 'friends' are not sideshow attractions. Yeah, you think that girl is hot and you want to impress her or whatever. Introducing all your friends with a note as to their sexual orientation and gender identity is really not cool. "That is R, she, I mean 'he', is a really a transsexual. Next to her-him is the bisexual J."
Then telling us we were mean to her, because we were upset when she told us she "doesn't mind gay people so long as they don't touch her," is just plain fucking loathsome.
Furthermore, having someone I barely know going up to me and asking if I know when I am starting hormones is a little scary for someone who hasn't even come out to his parents and had only been somewhat out for a few months. Thanks again for telling everyone who I may come into contact with.

I like some porn, pictures, text, or video. I, like most guys, do not enjoy all porn genres. 'Chicks with dicks' and snuff do not turn me on. If I don't enjoy the couple of videos you put on for shits and giggles it doesn't mean I am any less male. Just because I like psychological torture more than pure physical torture does not make me a girl.

PS: Telling me my relationship is doomed is not nice. Telling me what a horrible boyfriend I am when you know I am down is really not nice.
It isn't my fault you are jealous because literally no one finds you attractive. Not even the angsty emo-boy who would go out with a rock if it found him attractive. That is right, contrary to your numerous statements, A wouldn't even hook up with you.
Maybe if you weren't such an asshole to everyone and their friends someone might be interested in you. So stop complaining to those of us in relationships. Especially stop taking bets as to when each couple will break up. And handing out bad advice.

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